Joy and Sorrow

One of the hardest things for me in our adoption process this time is feeling as though you are leaving some behind.  You see it is hard for me to truly rejoice sometimes and share those feelings because I know all of the families that I have met that are still not even moving.  Haitian adoptions are very unpredictable and there is usually no rhyme or reason to anything that happens.  It can take one couple one year to bring home their child and another family three years.  You just never know.

I have been that person on this side of the computer reading someones fabulous news that they were out of IBESR or out of MOI in 2 months.  I truly do rejoice for them, but always in the back of my mind I’m wondering, why them and not us.  It is this hard emotion to deal with.  It is not a fun emotion, because if you don’t check yourself you can become bitter and mad at the whole process, and we know that doesn’t help at all.

During out time in IBESR I had to check my emotions so many times.  I would be so happy for those getting out, but mad that it wasn’t us.  God had to do something in me to realize that it is pure joy and happiness when any child/family moves further in this process.  I truly did have a change of heart and can honestly say that now I am much better at this.  I rejoice at others advancement.  Pure rejoicing with no hidden agendas in my own heart.

All these emotions make it hard for me to shout from the rooftop on our blog when something good happens in our adoption.  I for sure send out a very excited email/text to my friends and family, but it’s hard for me to do that on here.  As I start to spread our news I think of our friends that have been in IBESR for 16 months, our friends in MOI for 6 months, our friends not even in IBESR yet.  My heart is heavy for them and it’s hard to “rub” my good news in their face.

But you see this time my joyful news also has sorrow alongside it.  Saturday morning I woke up to an email I’ve been waiting to get for a long time.  STORY IS OUT OF MOI.  Yes you read that right.  She is out.  BUT you see I am experiencing sorrow in the midst of this too.  Our sweet Amos is not out.  In fact I haven’t even heard that he is close.  I’ve been hearing Story was close since April.

So as we rejoice around here for out little girl our heart is always heavy for our little boy.  Of course we would love them to come home together, but we will go and get any child that is ready to come home.

Last night I drug Aaron to Target to look at baby girl stuff.  I bought her a dress and a shirt and skirt that were both 50% off.  I feel as though we’ve been doing this adoption process for so long and known about our daughter for 19 months, but her room is still not ready.  And of course I know that her room is not what is important, but I still want her to have a room when she comes home!  This momma to three boys is super excited to have her baby girl home!

I have read tons of peoples blogs and followed their time lines from MOI to home.  Some do it in a month, others two and some even three.  Who knows!  Next stage is passports, then medical exams then visa, then HOME!  Oh my word.  I can’t even begin to imagine my kids HOME with us!