sweet family.

Here is one of our last family pictures in Haiti.  Little did we know we would be putting them on a motorcycle after this.

A thousand splendid suns

Finished SAME KIND OF DIFFERENT AS ME on the way to Texas and LOVED it - one of my favorite books of all times!  On the way home I started WHITE TEETH by Zadie Smith and couldn’t get into it.  Anyone else read it?  Liked it?  I couldn’t do it so I took it back and checked out A THOUSAND SPLENDID SUNS by Khaled Hosseini.  He also wrote THE KITE RUNNER, which I absolutely loved as well.  Looking forward to diving into this one.

On the way to Texas we listed to GIVING by Bill Clinton.  Whether you are a Clinton fan or not doesn’t matter with this book.  I highly recommend it.  I was challenged and inspired all in the same book.  We can all do more to give back.  Do books on tape/cd count as books you’ve read???  Today I also checked out THE PILOT’S WIFE by Anita Shreve to listen to in the car.  Amy was reading it in Haiti and couldn’t seem to put it down.  The only bad part is that she practically told me everything that happened.  Nothing will surprise me in this book!

Anyone reading/listening to anything good right now?  I have a running list of books, so let me know and I’ll add it!

back home.

The family arrived safely home in TN last night.  After a long day of driving, Aaron and I just sat on the couch together last night and watched tv.  Kinda unwinding after being cooped up in the very crowded car with two kids, a dog, lots of suitcases, and Haiti on our minds.

Aaron wrote a great post about traveling out of the country and coming home.  We have talked lots about the fact that we need to get out of this place (America) at least every other year and preferably every year so that our minds can stay focused on the important stuff.  Traveling to Haiti does my mind, body and soul good.  I, along with every other American, struggle with knowing the difference between a want and a need.  Often the lines are very blurred in my mind and I could justify just about any want becoming a need.  For me, going to Haiti helps ease this blurriness in my mind.

Getting back home is always good.  Along with coming home brings laundry, bills to be paid, shirts to be mailed and lots of emails to respond to.  I love coming home, but it always takes me a few days to get back to “normal” life.  As I type this Aaron is downstairs working and two very sweet boys are jamming in their room to their favorite band of all times.  I can’t help but imagine the day when I have three crazy boys and one beautiful little girl dancing together in their room.  Oh what a sweet day that will be.

Amos, Story & Momma

Missing these two as I fall asleep tonight and looking forward to seeing my other two tomorrow.  I’m torn.  I’m dealing with missing kids in two different places.  Two I spent the last week with and two that I missed last week.  Adoption is hard.

back in the states

Today was a long day full of traveling. We said our goodbye’s this morning with the Livesay family and that was tough. These guys rock and we loved our week with them. Actually as I sit here and type this it is weird that it’s over. For so long we talked about our Haiti trip in May and now it has come and gone. Weird.

Getting to airport in PAP was fine. No Haiti traffic jams! Miami was fine and we had a great dinner at Chili’s with Debra. Fun time!

Now we are at the Ivey’s house and I can’t decide what is more important to me at this moment. Do I want my first hot shower in a week, or do I want my first sleep in a real bed next to my love in a week? Um …. shower sounds great, but sleep sounds better. I think I’ll hit the sack and hold out for the hot shower in the morning. Maybe I can get it so hot I’ll scorch my skin and get all the dang mosquito bites to quit itching!!! Yeah right!

Just checked out Debra’s blog and she has some cool pics from Haiti … go check them out and show her some blog love.

leaving the kids.

Today was a very hard day. I wrote a very long post last night about how hard this would be and for some reason it didn’t save. Maybe it is good it didn’t, b/c it was raw emotion and i wasn’t in the best mood when i wrote it last night all by myself in the dark dreading the morning.

We road to the bridge in Cabaret to meet Eve and Frank to make the drop off. We held the kids the whole way and tried to explain to Amos that we would be back soon. He didn’t seem to get it at all though.

We showed up and I saw Roman (one of the nannies) and Eve but no truck. Not a truck in sight, only a handful of motorcycles sitting around waiting to make some money by giving people a ride.  This worried me, but surely Frank would show up at any minute with the truck.  

 

Nope, we got out and Peter (the guy with us and translating) tells us that they don’t have the truck today and that they are going to take the kids up the road on the bikes.  Oh my gosh!  That is all I could think.  I would NEVER NEVER NEVER put any of my kids on a motorcycle. I wouldn’t even let Kent give Cayden a ride in their neighborhood.  Never.  Today was a new day.  In Haiti things are different and if there is one main thing I’m learning through this it is that I have no control over this situation.  This adoption journey is about me giving the control away and totally trusting God.

 

It was hard to leave them today. I cried, and cried and cried.  Lots of crying.  I felt like we were the morning show for all the Haitians at that stop.  They all stood around and watched as the two white people handed over the two black kids and cried and kissed and cried and kissed.  I kept telling the motorcycle man to go slow and be careful.  He couldn’t understand a word I was saying, but I still told him.  I told Roman to hold Story tightly and be careful.

 

Amos was so happy when we left.  It was kinda good b/c he wasn’t sad.  He was so happy to be on that motorcycle.  I think that made his day.  Every kids dream to drive a motorcycle.  He basically was driving it since he was sitting in front of the guy.  

 

I talked to Licia when I got back and they had made it safely.  They were great and Amos was showing them all his new backpack and new toys.    

 

These things are the hardest parts of adoption.  Last night as I literally cried myself to sleep I started to think that it wasn’t worth it.  I started to think that I never want to come again until they are coming home.  I was thinking it was just too hard for me to handle. Giving them back sucks.  I hate giving them back.    Then I realized, that yes this is hard, but yes it is also good for them and for us.  I think Aaron really bonded with Amos this week.  It was very good for him to fall in love with Amos in person.  I loved watching that.

 

Haiti has been great for me.  I think we’ll always be friends with the Livesay tribe.  HOpefully we can visit whenever they visit Brit in TX!  I have enjoyed every second with my kids.  I have loved loving on them.  I have loved getting big sloppy kisses from Story.  I have enjoyed being their mom for a week.  

 

I am ready to see my kids on Friday.  I miss them.  I can’t wait to hug all over them and tell them about Amos and Story.  

Aaron’s blog

Okay so i haven’t been blogging like i wanted to …. but have no fear aaron is a blogging machine.  his thoughts are great and i want to send you all there to hear about the trip.

We’re a bit sad tonight b/c in the morning we meet Eve and Frank at the bridge in Cabaret to hand the kids over.  I don’t want to think about it or imagine saying good bye, but we must and we will.

I think i’ll have more thoughts on this week when i get home.  One thing i do know is that this trip has been one of the hardest of my life.  i feel disconnected from aaron.  i feel as though we haven’t been alone at all this whole trip.  i feel like we haven’t had discussions about haiti much.  i feel as though i haven’t connected with everyone on the team b/c i’ve been consumed with my kids.  it has been much harder than i ever imagined to be here on a “mission” trip and be parents to two children we don’t know very well.  I feel as though i haven’t don’t much with the team.  i haven’t loved on enough haitian kids.  i have been a mom for the most part.  I have loved it, but it has been hard.  i won’t lie.  great but hard.  hope that makes sense and doesn’t make me sound like a bad person.

i don’t even want to think about dropping the kids off tomorrow.  makes my stomach hurt.  today at the feeding center which i talk about more when i get home i teared up just thinking of my kids being there.  if we weren’t adopting them, maybe they would.  that will mess with your brain.

amos has come up to me many times and called me “mama” without me prompting.  that makes me love him so much. it makes my heart swell with pride for my new son.

okay my thoughts are random.  i need to get home to process.  i can’t seem to process them now.  i know one thing … i love my two kids.  I love haiti.  i love the livesay’s.  i love love love love love my kids.  pray they’ll remember me next time.

off to LOST party!!!!

first

International adoption is hard for many reasons, but one reason is because you feel as though you miss so much.  I missed Amos’ first words, I’ll miss Story’s first words, I missed Amos’ first steps, and I’ll more than likely miss Story’s first steps.  This is hard for me, but there’s nothing I can do about it and it is just a part of the game.  I don’t like it but I have accepted it.

God was so good to me yesterday and granted me two firsts.  I’m totally assuming, but I don’t think Amos has ever been on a swing set before.  I enjoyed watching him and Aaron swing as it was probably a first that God gave me to experience.

Last night Story was sitting up and she moved onto her belly got up on her knees and eventually was army crawling to her toy.  First time.  At Licia’s the other day she would get up and rock but never went anywhere.  I saw it for the first time.

God was so gracious to me yesterday.  The kids are good.  Amos is a hoot and Story is great.  She got up twice last night and that’s not too bad for a 5 month old.

day3

7:33 Sunday, May 4th
As I sit here all alone with the kids things are starting to sink in.  This has been the hardest trip I’ve ever been on for a few reasons.  I’m in Haiti for “mission work” and I’m also being mommy to two of the cutest little Hatian kids I’ve ever seen and we barely know each other.  I’m wanting to experience all there is to experience here while also getting to know these two kids, loving on them and just getting to be their mommy for a week.  I’m loving it.  I won’t lie though and tell you it is easy.

Yesterday we walked around the village that this mission serves. We said hello to the people in our best kreyol, we held hands with the kids, some played games with them and others drew on their arms to create tattoo’s.  J  It was such a great experience to see how it all works.  How these people live, where they live and how they do it.  The trip was exhausting from carrying around Amos and Story, but I wouldn’t change a thing!  I got a couple of crazy stares with Story in my carrier.  Just looks kinda strange for me to be carrying her around here in the village.

The kids are doing fabulous.  Fabulous!  My biggest fears were erased as soon as we saw them.  I was scared they wouldn’t come to us, or that Amos would be scared of Aaron.  I was afraid that he wouldn’t want to leave Licia and her place.  He has connected with us instantly and was in the car waiting when it was time to go.  He is such a joy.  He is so happy and is so much fun.  He enjoys everyone on the group and hasn’t had any “freaking out” moments yet.  Story is a great baby.  Happy Happy Happy!  She gets up about 1-2 times a night and eats and goes back down.  Easy.  She has been a champ in the baby carrier.  She is great in it when she’s sleeping, but doesn’t like to be in it too much when she’s awake.

I honestly am so thankful for this time with the kids.  We are so blessed and honored that all the parties involved were okay with this.  Tara & Troy have been more than accommodating for us and that kids.  Licia was so great about letting us take care of them for this whole week!  We are blessed and this week will do so much for our morale as we wait through this long process of getting these kids home.

Today the team is hiking up a mountain and attending church up there.  I was kinda bummed I didn’t go, but this day with just me and the kids will be fabulous and great for all three of us!  Story is napping right now, Amos is sitting in my lap and we’re about to go find some cars and get to playing on the ground!

Thank you for all your prayers.  Mom, Nancy – how are the boys?  Tell them we love them and miss them LOTS.  Amos is going to fit in perfectly with Cayden and Deacon.  Perfect!

Aaron’s sick

Right now I’m on the floor in our room with Amos as he colors and we stick our tongues out at each other.  Story is sleeping in her bed and Aaron is in his bed.  Both of them are crashed asleep.

Aaron is sick and hasn’t done much today but sleep.  I feel so bad for him, because you never want to be sick, but you also never want to be sick in a different country.  He also feels as though he is missing out on everything too.  I hate that for him.  Pray that he gets better and that is able to get up and go tomorrow.

This morning we toured the village where we are.  We went to the damn that they have here that I think was built in the 40’s.  Not sure about that, someone confirm if you think I’m wrong.  J  We took Amos and Story and they did great.  Finally Story fell asleep and I put her in my new carrier and she was great.  I got many looks from ladies wondering about this blanc (white person) carrying around a baby that didn’t look like me.  Everyone in the village is super nice and we had a great trip through the place.

I experienced a first for my time in Haiti today.  The market.  That was an experience.  Wow is all I can say.  There is NO way I could even begin to describe that to you on here.  NO way.  I didn’t take any pictures, because I thought it would be rude so I’ll just have to tell you in person when I see you next.  J