emotions are running my life.

It’s so funny how our life is ruled by our emotions.  When things are going good then everyone is happy.  When things bad we’re depressed.

I have been experiencing this first hand these past few months.  Adoption is hard and you can really begin to loose sight of any promise that God has given you as a daughter of the King.  During trials and waiting it is as if you can choose two things.  You can either choose to trust and believe or you can choose to be scared, nervous and have no clue who will take care of you or your children waiting to come home.

I can honestly say that these things are day to day with me.  It’s not in the good times that this choice is hard, but yet in the bad times.  Those are the times when I struggle with my choices.

Philippians 4:19 “And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”

All my needs.  All my needs.  All my needs.

These past few days have been a huge roller coaster for me.  This weekend was awful.  I didn’t want to be around people, I wanted to just sleep, my body was hurting all because I had no email the week before and I thought I would have been getting one.

My emotions were ruining my life.  I am trusting my emotions to much.

I am forgetting the words of Jesus when he says, “Do not your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God, trust also in me.” John 14:1

Then it all changed.  I got an email.  Emails these days have a way of either making me happy or making me very sad.  This one was happy.  We were told Story got her passport.  Praise God!  Now I can go back to being a real person.  I can smile.  I can laugh.  I can trust.

You see how this roller coaster is nothing that God has put in us.  He has told us “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”  Jesus offers me continual peace even in the hard times.

I sometimes find my peace in the good emails.  That is not what should sustain me.

Last night I was speaking to a mom who has several children through adoption and a few through Haitian adoptions and I was asking her the 100 million dollar question around here.  “How much longer do you think until Story comes home?”.  I have asked that to everyone that I think can tell me and none of them will even try.  That’s because there is no answer.  There is no formula.  There is no system.  There is no time table.  No one knows.

She told me about a family she knows that has been waiting ONE YEAR for a visa.  One freaking year.  That is the part where the US government gives the child a visa to come here and be a part of the family that the Haitian government says they are ALREADY a part of.  Oh my word.

That didn’t sit well with me.

Then I see on the forum that some people went 5 months between passport and home coming.  Some were 2 months.  Some were a few weeks.

All of a sudden my happiness was gone.  The worry was back.  I was sad.

As I crawled in bed last night I noticed how my mood had changed just over one conversation.  I had become that person again.  The sad mom again.

I decided last night that my day tomorrow WILL NOT be ruled by my emotions.  It is not fair to my family.  My trust and hope is in Jesus Christ and not any government office that is deciding when my babies will come home.

Today is a good day.  Story has her passport.  I will continue to rejoice in that.

Now tomorrow.  I will work on that when it gets here.  Today is today and that’s all I can do.  Day by day.

I Peter 1:

3-5What a God we have! And how fortunate we are to have him, this Father of our Master Jesus! Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we’ve been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for, including a future in heaven—and the future starts now! God is keeping careful watch over us and the future. The Day is coming when you’ll have it all—life healed and whole.

6-7I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime. Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it’s your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.

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7 responses to “emotions are running my life.

  1. I really needed to read this this morning. We got some bad news of our own yesterday. Adoption is hard. Praying for you guys!

  2. “Today is a good day. Story has her passport. I will continue to rejoice in that. Now tomorrow. I will work on that when it gets here. Today is today and that’s all I can do. Day by day.”

    those words brought to mind this verse:

    This is the day the LORD has made;
    We will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

    I love how you are letting God work on your heart and then share what He is teaching you; may you continue to find your comfort and encouragement in Him.

  3. I have thought about you a lot today. I keep praying for you girl. I know you will be doing the same for me when I am in your shoes. I cannot imagine the anticipation you are feeling. Only God. The moments you bring those two home, one at a time or together, will be more than our hearts can take. Thank you for taking us all along for your journey.

    Love.

  4. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time. This post is my life. I, too, am adopting from Haiti; we’re at the beginning. But from paper work to the referral, it was day to day, sometimes minute to minute. I feel as if my life is run by emotions too. I am trying, as you are, to work that out and live in the moments.
    My yoga teacher did a meditation yesterday that helped me a lot. When I write it here, it will not sound right, but think of the thoughts. It helped me to open, heal and vision my “broken” heart.
    Imagine your heart. Imagine your left hand on your heart and feel all it’s glory and the light that shines from it. Now, think of the person you love the most right now unconditionally, look at that person glowing in the light of your heart. The person comes to you, a beautiful jeweled box holds your heart, and this person opens it. They take your heart in their hands and feel the unconditional love that radiates from it. They dust it off, and remove any pain from the past and all that is left is the love that radiates from it. They put it back in and close the door to your heart. It is pure. It is whole. It radiates from within you, full of unconditional love. Be at peace.

    This might be cheesy to you. But it was so beautiful to me, I cried while imagining it. I wanted to share it with others who have a wounded Haiti heart.
    Cathleen

  5. Rejoice. What a beautiful blog. It is so amazing to hear God’s Words flow through your heart. I know he is speaking directly to you. Praying for you today and everyday. Love you.

  6. Try not to be discouraged. It is so hard to guess what will happen, and wait to see what God has planned for your family. But you must trust that He knows best and has a plan that will work perfectly! I know it is difficult, (and I have the most grey hairs from the past year) but you will see, they WILL come home, and you will have much to show from the wait. (hopefully more than grey hair!)

  7. jamie, thanks for being so transparent and honest. I too, struggle with living according to my emotions. Ben is so even-keel and I shift with every rock of the boat. I am encouraged to know I’m not the only one but also that God DOES give us peace! We can grab hold of that every day and not live on the rollercoaster many of us jump on. I pray that I will live day to day in His peace and power and stregnth and let Him shine through my weakness. thanks

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