I feel like a broken record these days. Constantly complaining and constantly sad and constantly moaning. To those of you that don’t know me or see me ever I promise I’m not always down and depressed. In fact most of my down and depressed time is in my alone time at home, and usually at night. When the kids are asleep and the house is quiet my thoughts constantly wander to Haiti. They constantly remember my last kiss and my last hug from Amos and Story.
Tonight those thoughts and memories were triggered when Jeremy showed me some of the footage that we took when we were in Haiti this past March. As most of you know Aaron is working on a new cd. I’m so excited for this cd and for you all to experience it. From what I’ve heard it rocks. There are a few songs on there that shake me to the core. One song he wrote about us trying to get our kids home. I can hardly listen to this song without crying.
While we were in Haiti Aaron took video footage and our friend Jeremy will be putting together a music video to this song. He came over tonight to video the recording process and he brought the stuff Aaron recorded while we were in Haiti. As I watched it the tears began. There they were. They were in my arms. I was holding them both. I was walking down the alley by the clinic with MY kids. Amos was kissing me. I was holding Story. Amos was laughing and smiling so much. We were together. All four of us. Together. That day seems like forever ago, even though it was just two months ago.
Sometimes I wonder if we’ll ever be together here. I mean will our lives ever truly intersect and become one. Will we ever get to bring them home? I am truly learning to trust God. I will be the first to admit that I’m not good at it. In fact many days I fail and choose to be miserable instead of choosing to trust and be hopeful. Last month was hard. In fact the last two months have been probably the hardest on me. Taking Fedna home was heartbreaking. Leaving my kids for the fifth time in Haiti was heartbreaking. Easter coming and going was heartbreaking. Mother’s Day coming and going was heartbreaking.
Two weeks from today Amos turns four. Yes, you read that right … four years old. The first time I saw his face he was 2 years and 3 months old and at the end of this month he’ll be four. I’ve been loving him for almost 2 years now. That’s hard to believe.
In twelve days our Story turns 18 months old. I have loved her since the day she was born. That’s hard to believe. I will never forget the first picture I saw of her, or how I prayed for her before I knew she would some day be my daughter.
We have heard that Story might be getting close to getting out of MOI, or could already be out. Nothing has been confirmed and no word on Amos yet. This summer will be hard on us all. I never thought we’d be heading out to summer camps this year without them.
Tonight Deacon prayed for Amos and Story to come home just like each boy does each night, but tonight it was different. He said “please” so many times I lost count and I knew that even my boys feel the need to get them here.
This road is hard, but I would walk this road a thousand times to get my Amos and Story home.