rude Old Navy lady.

Some of the things that come along with being a family that adds children through adoption are stares and sometimes not so nice comments from complete strangers.  It is pretty obvious when I’m out with the kids that one of them stands out.  When we are out as a family it is even more obvious that one of them stands out.  For myself I never even think about us looking different until someone stares or says something stupid to us.

A few days ago I was at Old Navy and there was a woman there that clearly thought she should be all up in my business.  Let me first clarify that I do not mind talking about adoption.  I love to educate people and encourage people.  I also love to show the world how a family can be without any biological ties to each other.  Although I didn’t birth three of my children they are all the same to me and I love them all the same.  I also understand the curiosity that comes with our family looking different.  When I see a family that looks “different” I too am curious.  Does it mean I stare and ask stupid questions or say stupid things, no.  In fact most of the time I say nothing, b/c it is clearly none of my business how their family came together.

Back to the woman at Old Navy.  We were standing there in line and the boys were on the floor playing with some stuffed animals that were for sale in the line.  I noticed the woman behind me looking at them with curiosity and didn’t think anything of it.  She either was curious about their relationship to each other, or thought they were stinking cute, or thought they shouldn’t be on the floor playing with the toys.  None of those reasons for her staring bothered me or caused me to think anything of it.  Who cares, right?

This is how our conversation went down.  Keep in mind her words were not in a loving way, they were in an accusation and looking-down-on-you type of tone.

Woman:  Are both of these boys yours?

Me:  Yes they are.

She then looked confused and kept staring at them with her eyes in a weird way and her mouth all pinched together.

Woman:  Wow they should do look different.

Me:  Yes they do.

More weird looks and pinched together mouth.

Woman:  They must have different dads.

Me:  (In shock of what I just heard in the check out line at Old Navy with my kids playing at my feet) Excuse me?

Woman:  Well it’s pretty obvious that they have different dads.

After I pick my mouth off the floor and erase all the bad words from my heart ….

Me:  Nope actually they have the same dad.

WHAT THE HECK?  Did she seriously just say this to me in front of my kids and everyone else?  She continued to check us out and try to figure us out.

I do not mind people asking about my kids.  I don’t even mind them asking if Deacon is adopted.  I just would like you to be nice about it, not with condemnation in your voice, and with a sincere heart.  If you think I slept around and my kids have different dads it is none of your business even if I did.

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18 responses to “rude Old Navy lady.

  1. Oh. My. Goodness.

    That’s really all I have to say. Unbelievable.
    It makes me laugh, though. Like, a poor, ignorant thing, kind of laugh. She must not get out much. LOL

  2. Wow! What??!?!! Did she seriously think it was her business to ask a question like that. That is so sad that the first thing that came to her mind was something other than adoption and that she felt she needed to judge. Like you said what does it matter? A simple your children are so adorable would have been sufficient. (Because they are!)

    • I know it was crazy ya’ll. It was as if she had never seen a bi-racial child, or felt sorry for me b/c I had one. Her looks were as if she was disgusted that his dad was probably black. So weird.

  3. It never ceases to amaze me what people will say to families who have adopted or are in the process. Stupidity seems to just fly out of people. I try to use every opportunity to educate, but sometimes I just come away from an interaction dumbfounded. I think this qualifies as one of those experiences.

  4. Wow! Amazing what people will say & that they think they are entitled to other peoples business. Sounds like you handled it the best way possible.

  5. Plato is quoted as saying “Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.”

    I think that sums up this Old Navy lady.

  6. It is obvious 3 of our kids are adopted… they are all very much black. Jody and I still get people asking us (with judgement in their voice) “are they adopted?”. I try to just politely say yes and turn away. Jody on the hand is so frustrated with the question that he has started replying with either… “nope, wild weekend in Jamaica” or “they didn’t tell us the sperm donor was black”. It’s funny to see peoples faces… especially if we have all 3 of them with us!!!

    Our favorite saying…” stupidity should be painful”.

  7. no.excuse.NONE

  8. You handled it well. 🙂 People are stupid 🙂

    Kyle and I have thought about this….because I look so young (and it is common for siblings to have multiple dads) we have wondered if people think that about me (one hispanic daughter, one caucasian, ) … we are looking into our third adoption (open to any race) so we know that our third child could be black… Kyle just laughs and said “Now they will REALLY think you get around” lol

    Its amazing how bold people can be….

    I like Gail’s quote: “stupidity should be painful”.

  9. Oh man…i do not look forward to having to deal with those things when we adopt…good for you for staying so positive and not cussing her out!

  10. this lady represents so much the broken world we live in and the lens they see life through. she needs Jesus. without Him, she can’t look at two beautiful children and not assume they are a part of the broken system that is prevalent in our society. she could be part of austin’s large population that wakes up in the morning with no hope and goes about their day. she needs the love of Jesus. but i’m sorry that your kids were her target. “bless those who persecute you”, yeah?

  11. Wow I can’t believe that chick said something.

  12. It serioulsy amazes me that things like that come out of people’s mouths.
    As my husband and I know we are called to adopted and working on getting to that point we know that we are open to any race. Honestly, I guess I’m just completely niave, because I never thought I would encounter something like that. Thank you for sharing this story because I guess I need to be prepared, but I’m so sorry that you had to deal with such ignorance.

  13. I LOVE THE “YES, THEY HAVE THE SAME DAD”! So simple and so true! The nasty not nice folks have been out in M’boro here lately!! My favorite recent comment is “are you babysitting”? People just assume and are soooo ready to be all about your business!

  14. cannot believe this! There just are no words.

  15. on the totally opposite end of the spectrum I have had more that one not so smart person comment about my twins…. that would be the 2 year old very dark black boy and the 1 year old very white girl. hahaha!

  16. Wow.
    I can’t believe she said that, but I loved your response.

    Well done.

  17. I have a dear friend who would just point-blank have asked her when was the last time she had sex. Now THAT is bold!

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