obsessive email checks

There is not a night that goes by that I don’t check my email just one … two … three … fifteen more times before I go to bed JUST IN CASE the email I want to be there is there.  The one that says that we are out of MOI.  Yeap I look for that email daily.  In fact when I was out of town this past weekend I didn’t have my computer and it was so very hard on me to not have Aaron check hourly for me.  I didn’t do that b/c I didn’t want my weekend to be consumed by the normal thoughts that consume me while I’m home.  Tonight my phone rang and I didn’t recognize the area code so I didn’t answer.  Then they called back and I thought “what if someone is trying to contact me about my adoption … answer the dang phone!!!”.  I did answer it and it wasn’t about the adoption, but these are my thought processes!

I follow way too many blogs and many of them are adoption related.  I love to hear good news with people’s adoptions.  Tomorrow is a family’s visa appointment.  This is big.  Very big.  They are so close to the end I can picture them arriving home!  I will wake up with them on my mind tomorrow!

I read somwhere else today that someone went through MOI in 6 weeks.  Wow!  While I’m very happy for them, of course it leaves me asking the question … why them and why not us?  One thing that I have learned and am still learning (obviously) is that you CAN NOT ask yourself that question during your adoption process.  There is no answer.  There is no reason.  There is no reason.  You can’t figure it out and you don’t need to try.  That’s a hard thought for me, but I’m slowly, actually, very slowly, learning to deal with it.

There is not one day that goes by that I don’t think of Amos and Story.  There are some days that not one hour goes by without me thinking of them.  They are always there on my mind.  I feel as though I will not be complete until they are here and we are a family.  A complete family.  All four of my kids under one roof.  Now that my friends will be a glorious day.  A beautiful day.  A day to rejoice.

Some people have asked what’s next after MOI.  I believe after this you’re granted passports for the children, they have a medical exam and then a Visa appt with the U S.  THEN you can GO HOME!  I’ve seen some people have kids home in 25 days after they get out of MOI.  I’ve also seen it take 4 months after.  Once again …. you just don’t know!

7 responses to “obsessive email checks

  1. janellebenedict

    This post describes exactly what I’m doing exactly at this moment! We’ve been in IBESR for six months waiting for Presidential Dispensation (for having four bio kids) and going crazy. Our baby girl is constantly on my mind, and every time I walk by my computer I HAVE to check my email. I’m told it could be seven or more months just waiting for that piece of paper, so why I have to check email every hour I don’t know. You’re right – it feels like there is “no reason” for all the delays and it doesn’t make sense. I’m glad God is in control, because it’s clear that no one else is. Anyway, I appreciate your post. It’s what I needed to read tonight, so thanks! I hear a bunch of files are about ready to be released from MOI. I hope one of those is yours!

  2. I have struggled every day with this 27 month long adoption journey. We never caught a break and went quickly through any stage and now that our visa appointment is/was this morning, I am still fearful that something, anything can go wrong and derail this dream. It always killed me when I spent over 8 months in IBESR and then watched someone speed through in 2 months. All I know is that I still am sitting here with a lump in my stomach, checking my email every few minutes for news the LAST hurdle is over and behind us, and that we can make our travel plans to bring our boys home. I won’t feel relieved until our boys are with us on the plane heading home to the states.

  3. Jamie, I know how you feel. (I don’t know if you remeber me but my twin girls are also at RHFH). I almost obsess more over getting that “email or phone call” as much as I pray. On somedays I do check my email more. Just being honest. I just can’t concentrate on anything else for very long. Don’t get me wrong. I feel a part of me is missing.

    I was wondering where your first response Janelle got her info about a bunch of files in MOI being released. That is very exciting. I
    Praying for all of you,


  4. Sorry I didn’t make much sense there, I told you I can’t concentrate:)

  5. I spent the last two months of our first adoption in total misery because of that “why not us?/why them?” mode. It’s terrible. And for me, not only was I miserable because other family’s were bypassing us, I felt guilty for being such a selfish person that I was literally in tears over someone else’s joy. It was yucky. Try hard to run fast when you feel those thoughts coming on; it will make you crazy!

  6. WOW! Exactly how I feel except I’m only in IBESR!!! Yours is one of the blogs I go to when I’m bored, frustrated, disappointed… I think because I’m hoping that even if I didn’t get my good news today, then hopefully someone else did! I go to several other people’s blogs that I don’t know just praying & hoping for all of us who although we have never met in person, but we have the same God-given bond with a beautiful child of Haiti. May God give us all the patience, strength & comfort we need & our children need!

  7. Story of my life, ladies. I’m glad we are not in this alone. I can relate to all of these feelings. We are coming up on two years this summer. My checking obsession is like a roller coaster that I need to stay away from! Should we start a 12-step group?? 🙂

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