Seeing Fedna again.

I thought saying good-bye to Fedna the other day was the hardest thing ever.  Then today I saw her again and met her family.  I had been looking forward to this day ever since we brought her back.  I wanted the parents to know how much we loved her and were so honored to have her in our home for so long while she had surgery.

I saw her and she looked so scared and confused.  Almost as though she didn’t understand what was going on.  It was the same look I saw in her eyes when I picked her up in FLL back in Jan and took her from Jess.  She wasn’t so sure of me and wanted to stay with Jess.  This poor girl just doesn’t know who is her safe place right now.

I knew in my head that she probably wouldn’t want me as soon as she saw me.  I knew in my head that she might not act like she knows me.  BUT for some reason my heart was still hoping that she would be the same girl I brought back.  The girl that smiled all the time and loved to give her mommy kisses.  The same girl that loved to laugh and take pictures.

Instead she wasn’t too interested in me and refused to give me a kiss.  That was hard.  She did come to me and let me hold her but she never seemed too confident in me.  Man I loved this little girl.  She has a HUGE place in my heart forever.  I just sat in Lori’s office and bawled.  It was so hard to see her again and for her to not be the same girl I brought back here.  She was different.  I miss the old Fedna.

I know that she is adjusting and trying to figure out where she goes and who she’s staying with.  10 weeks ago she was taken from her mom and dad and brought to a strange place.  Then last week I brought her back and now she’s with her parents.  It has to be confusing on a little kid.

Good thing is they got her stroller and her walker and said she’s using it.  She was all dolled up with all the stuff we sent back with her.  I loved it!  I will love this girl forever.  She will forever have a place in my heart.


10 responses to “Seeing Fedna again.

  1. That must have been really tough.

  2. im so sorry that happened. im glad you have perspective and know what you did was amazing.

  3. How difficult. I know this stuff has to be so confusing for her. I would have shed a few tears, too! But she is forever changed and you know that she DOES love you.

  4. That must be really hard for both of you.

  5. I wish that I was there to give you a hug!!
    That must have been so hard- but so rewarding to see her together with her family!

  6. Wow! Definitely a hard day.

  7. HI Jamie,

    I read your post from yesterday, and, was just so sad for you that I just didn’t say anything, then today I read this and just wanted to say I’m sorry and how much I have loved your Mama heart for loving sweet Fedna so much. Fedna’s Mama must understand some how you are feeling. She had to feel this way when she saw Fedna leaving with you. Trying to walk in Fedn’a shoes, I begin to understand her sorrow when she left you yesterday and yet, her reserved behavior today also makes true sense. She is with her Mama and Papa….as it should be, as I know you want it to be.

    Fedna has left her little imprint on all of our hearts, yours more than ours for sure. But, I just love the thought of God sitting up in Heaven so happy for what He knows He began in both your family’s and Fedna’s family’s hearts…only He knows just what all will become Fedna’s and Jamie’s legacy!!!

    God bless you abundently for loving Fedna so superbly!!! You are one outstanding Mama!!! Hugs to you, sweet Jamie….


  8. I know how difficult it is to give a child back to a country that cannot offer her what she needs. We had to do that too and it broke our hearts. Just know you and Aaron touched her life in a way that she will never forget. God will richly bless you for what you did and gave to that precious little girl! God bless!

  9. Hey girl- I am hurting with you. I read the blog yesterday and couldn’t stop thinking about it. You, Aaron and the boys gave her an amazing 10 weeks despite 2 big surgeries. Thank you for your honesty throughout this process. I think it has pushed people to do things to serve even though it hurts and its HARD! I love you guys so much and hope you are having so much fun kissing all over your kids! Still waiting for the day at the airport when you are riding down that escalator! 🙂

  10. Oh, that would’ve been really hard for me too. Thank you for sharing w/ us!! Praise God for the grace He gave you to care for her, love her, and serve her family! You have honored our Lord by serving this precious soul!!!

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