Today is Fedna’s last Saturday here. We are now at the time where everything becomes “her last”. Tomorrow will be her last church. I’m sure next week will entail many “lasts”. Thinking about it makes me sad and so let’s just not think about it.
I have been greatly changed by this experience. I have been pushed to the edge, I have found strength I never knew I had and I have had nasty desires and wants come to the surface that I’m embarrassed to admit. I’ve seen the best in me and the worst in me all in one experience. This little girl will forever have a very special place in my heart and our family’s heart.
She has turned a corner this past week. She is much happier. She is very comfortable here. She engages people when they come over and doesn’t just freak out. She is perfectly fine with Aaron. She is happy. I think laying around for 3 weeks would make anyone cranky!
I have enjoyed her so much lately and my heart aches to think about not having her here. As much as bedtime and morning time drive me completely bonkers I love this girl so much and enjoy her presence around here. She is a joy to us.
If I even begin to think about her uphill battle she will have with living in Haiti my stomach aches and I get all teary eyed. I can’t deal with the fact that her life will be hard. I can’t deal with the fact that she can’t control her bowels, bladder or walk in a country that doesn’t have a very good system in place for people with disabilities. Her life will be hard b/c of these disadvantages. There is no way around that.
I was telling Aaron today that the only way that I cope with this is by trusting that God has a big plan for her life. He saved her life and allowed her to survive with a disability that should have killed her a long time ago in a 3rd world country. If she would have been born here in the US with this she would have been operated on within 24 hours and yet she lived for 3 years with this in Haiti. Do you see God’s hand on this little girl? This is what allows my heart to rest .
I also know that Fedna has a mom and a dad that love her dearly. Can you imagine their excitement about her coming home. I imagine them counting down the days as well. Six more night-nights! I wonder how she will react to them. Will she ask for a hummus sandwich, a garden burger, or maybe a veggie quesadilla. I think she’ll enjoy her first taste of chicken when she gets back home!!!
These are my thoughts tonight. I have many thoughts on this little girl going home. They are happy and sad all in one!