my pity party morning.

You know I talk a lot about how great it is to host a child.  It is great.  It is wonderful to see the life change take place before my eyes in her.  It is wonderful to feel like you are making a big difference in someone’s life.  I love it.

BUT it is also very hard.  It is hard on me as the #1 care giver for her.  It is hard on my husband who is now flying solo with the house and kids and let’s not forget he does have a job that unfortunately this time of year just can’t be put on hold.  It is hard on my kids who miss their mommy and are shuffled around to a new house each day and night.  It is hard on our family.  It is hard because she’s not the only big thing going on in our life right now.  Aaron’s getting back into the studio which is VERY time consuming.  He needs a wife to support him and take up for his absence during this crazy season.  I’m leading a trip to Haiti that leaves in 3 weeks and 3 days.  That in itself is time consuming and it’s not getting my best this time around.

So … today I had a mini cry session while feeding Fedna breakfast and talking to Aaron on the phone.  I want my life back.  I want a normal life again.  I don’t want to be the family hosting a child from Haiti.  I don’t want to be the family adopting two kids from Haiti.  I want to just be a “normal” family with four kids.  Is that too much to ask?

We could NOT do this without the support that we have had from our friends here in Austin.  It’s hard to believe that we’ve only been here since August and the support base we have is amazing.  I have had too many offers to watch my kids for me.  Isn’t that wonderful!  I have had too many offers to come and sit with Fedna so I can go home.  I have had too many offers for food and help.  I’m blown away.  Thanks to everyone that has helped us out with hosting Fedna.  We are not doing this alone and that feels good.

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3 responses to “my pity party morning.

  1. I cannot even tell you how totally and completely I relate to your sentiments about being “normal.” It will be a new kind of normal. It will be hard to adjust to what the new normal will be when our families multiply, but oh how blessed that “normal” looks from a place of waiting and transition! Prayers for you and your sweet boys – and heaps for Fedna too!

  2. watchingthewaters

    It is very, very tough to be a host family unless you have lots and lots of help. We hosted a 15 year old girl with severe scoliosis and she was with us for 9 months.. this is in addition to the year she had already been with another family. She was in the hospital for 5 of the months that she was with us. (Did I mention the hospital was 90 minutes from our house?) We used spend Sundays there as a family (I would make Sunday “dinner” in a crockpot and bring it with us), then I would leave my mom at the hospital. She would stay until Wednesday night. I would pick the kids up from school, drive down to pick up my mom, and return home that night. B would be alone Weds and Thurs nights. Friday night I drove down as soon as my husband got home from school, and stay until Saturday night. He would drive down and swap out and stay Saturday night so that I could go home and get everything set for Sunday.

    Seriously.

    Oh. Did I mention in the middle of this, I already had 3 kids, and then brought HOME 3 more Haitian kids? And that my husband, in addition to working a very, very full time job, was working on his MBA in his “free” time?

    I do not know how any of us survived it.

    I feel your pain, sister. I am praying for you every day.

  3. I’m sorry that things can feel so overwhelming. I’m amazed by all you do and am glad to hear you have a good support network.

    I hope you all get to go home soon and Fedna gets well enough to go back to Haiti with you in a few weeks!

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