Having Fedna here has definitely changed the amount i think of my sweet Haitian kids each day. Honestly I think of them less with her here. I’m more busy than I normally am. I’m doing more for her each day than I do for my two kids combined. I’m thinking more about her and her needs than I am Story and Amos.
This is not a bad thing or a good thing, it’s just how things are right now. I knew with her coming here that it would take my mind off of Amos and Story for a while and make me not so obsessive over trying to figure out exactly what date they’ll be flying into Austin. (yes I try to guess THE date …. anyone else do this?)
I thought of my friends Sarah, Kim & Debra all weekend long b/c I knew they were all in Haiti and they were all with their kids for the FIRST time. I remember that FIRST time with my kids. I remember the hardness of it. I remember the joy in seeing them and touching them after having only pictures for 4 months previous to that. I remember the heart wrenching pain I felt when I was leaving them. I remember the tears as I drove off and left them there. I have since done that 3 more times and it DOES NOT get easier any time I leave them. Being with them gets easier and we bond more and more each time, but leaving does not get easier.
I knew Debra was at the same place that my kids were, but it never hit me that she would SEE them. Not sure what I was thinking or not thinking, but I’m telling you Fedna is consuming and that’s the only way I can explain it. Last night I sat down to check my facebook and there they were. Pictures. My kids. WHAT? Oh yes I remembered Debra was there with MY KIDS. The tears started flowing. Story looks a million times bigger since we were there in December and Amos, well he is so handsome I can hardly contain myself. I am so in love. I am so in need of all my kids home under one roof.