I’m emotional.


I think I’m emotional today. Not sure why. But I know I am.

I have been sitting here at my kitchen table waiting on my instant rice cooker to finish my lunch and I can’t stop the tears from coming. They just started. Not even sure why, but they won’t stop.

I’m sure the root of it is Amos and Story. Man I miss those kids. Last week was my best week with them so far. No agenda. Just hang with momma and papa all day long. It was fabulous. Amos for sure remembered us. Him and Aaron bonded so much more this week. If Aaron went to shower, Amos was asking where Papa was. He already loves and adores his daddy. That makes me cry.

Story is older now. She was so much fun. She is petite and so beautiful. She would give kisses when I asked. She loved to cuddle at night. She fits perfectly against my body in the baby carrier when we would walk the neighborhood. Her smile is contagious and her eyes are breathtaking. Wanting her to know me more makes me cry.

Today I read on Licia and Lori’s blog that all the money has come in for the two kids to come to the states to get life altering surgery. They both have spina bifida and need surgery soon. Their lives will be changed forever. They have almost no hope of this in Haiti. But because of great organizations like the MAT and RHFH their lives can be altered forever. A doctor and hospital here in Austin are providing all their services for FREE. That makes me cry. Nobody does stuff for free these days.

I watched the Livesay’s annual family Christmas “production” on their blog today. I love these people and they have become great friends of ours in a short time. Their hearts bleed with love for others, Haiti and their own family. Seriously after spending a week with them we’re even more glad we know them. They are great parents and we view them as models for us in our parenting. Their video was hilarious. The roosters made me laugh. Noah made me laugh. Annie in the “manger” made me laugh. But then for some reason at the end I cried. I was so happy for them. I’m such a weirdo today. Tears are flowing.

Our first night back in Austin I was dreaming that we were back in Haiti and at Tara & Troy’s house. We were hanging out and in my dream a little boy walked up to me and was going to talk to me. It was Amos. My heart leaped with joy. Then I opened my eyes and in real life in the middle of the night there was Deacon at my bed. He needed me and for a split second I was let down. Let down that it wasn’t Amos. I was missing his sweet smile. I was missing him reaching out for his momma.

Today my hat sums it up. While my kids are at school and napping I wish I could go to Haiti for two hours. I wish I could love on Amos and Story. I wish I didn’t have a dirty house to clean. I wish that there weren’t a million errands to run. I wish that for just two hours right now I was back with them.


8 responses to “I’m emotional.

  1. I can’t even begin to fathom what it’s like to love on your babies and then part from them. I just can’t. I’ll pray for you that the Lord will be your strength as you press forward.

  2. so sorry, I am crying for you!

  3. It must be so difficult for you and I can certainly understand the emptiness you feel in your heart, especially at Christmas….it makes it much more difficult not to be with those you love…..and also to be with those that you do have with you that you love. I pray that you will have some enjoyment in your Christmas and that your babies will soon be physically with you…it’s been a long road.

  4. (((hug)))
    I know I already got you on facebook.
    Seems like one more couldn’t hurt.

  5. praying…

    I am headed to Austin tomorrow in the AM.

  6. praying for you…

  7. It’s so hard!! I hope your family is together soon. I am getting through this season by telling myself, NEXT CHRISTMAS we’ll be together!!

  8. Jamie:

    Now I am in tears and I don’t even know you! I am a friend of the Livesays. We met in Haiti when we both adopted at the same time. (Ike and Hope) I can remember going to visit our girls and having to leave them. It was sooooo hard….We adopted twins and our process took 11 1/2 months. I know that seems quick compared to today, but it was forever at the time. The girls were 3 months when I met them the first time, and they came home at age 14 months. My heart hurts for you….

    I promise to pray for you……

    Karla Brown

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