Sixty days

I had so much fun with these kids while I was there a few weeks ago.  Although Amos was a little weird my first night, he opened up and we had our best visit yet.  It’s like everytime I see him he gets a little more attached to me.  I love it.  I love that when I left he was sad.  Not that I want my baby to be sad or like seeing him that way, because I don’t.  It breaks my heart.  BUT it shows so much about our relationship.  He is bonding with me and attaching to me.  He knows I’m his momma.   He knows that he is very special to me.  He knows that I will come back to see him each time after I leave.  Story is a doll.  So sweet and so cute.  I never heard her cry and she is a great baby.  She is so well taken care of.  Someone is always holding her and taking care of her needs.  Amos loves her and I’m glad they’ll have each other forever.  I went into a store yesterday and was drawn in to the baby girl clothes.  Oh my!  I’m in love!  Girls are so much more fun to buy for!  I resisted, but I can’t wait to have a daughter.  My BFF for life!

Today I’m missing two kids.  I feel like I live in two worlds.  One “normal” world here with my boys.  Doing “normal” stuff and being a mom to them.  Laundry, house stuff, cooking (sometimes!), playing outside, going on walks, living life.  THEN there are these two kids in the back of my mind that pop up ALL throughout the day.  They are always there.  I think of them all day long.  BUT I can’t be their mommy each day.  I can’t hold them all day.  I can’t talk to them whenever I want.  I can’t tuck them in at night.  I can’t make them breakfast.  They are a world away.

Once again I’m living in countdown mode.  SIXTY days until I get to be their mommy for five days.

SIXTY days.

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4 responses to “Sixty days

  1. my heart aches for you- those two are such sweeties!

  2. I love that there are others who “get it” and feel just the same way that I do. It’s such a strange place to be and so few can relate, but I feel comforted whenever I visit other adopting parent’s blogs and find them feeling the same. I live in countdown mode. I live in the space between my reality here and my kids in Haiti. It’s a hard place to be and we’ve got such a long way to go. I’m praying for you, my friend!

  3. I know that heartache your feeling, although I haven’t met my daughter in person yet…getting ready to in 3 weeks. I know after my first trip to Haiti, it will only make the wait that much more painful.
    We are also in IBESR but just entered….I hope you exit very soon!!!!

  4. I know what you mean when you say “living in 2 worlds”.
    it took me two or three weeks to be “normal” again, after each travel to haiti….

    but it’s worth!!!!!!!!!!

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