Letting Go

When we first found out about A last year he was 2 years and 3 months old. I went out very soon after that and bought him a sweet shirt that I would save in the closet for him when he arrived home. It was from Gap and part of their RED line and it said “INCREDIBLE. I love it so much!

After visiting him in May and just recently two weeks ago I realized that I need to let it go. It will not fit him when he gets home. He is already too big for it and by the time he gets home it will not look right on him.

The shirt fits D great and in fact is a bit big. I have not let him wear it yet because it is A’s shirt. One day Aaron dressed them and D came out in that shirt and I made him change. I was holding on to that shirt for my boy A in Haiti. It was his shirt. I bought it for HIM and no one else.

Today D came out dressed and he had THE shirt on. For a second I wanted him to change, but then I stopped and smiled because it looked good on him and it wouldn’t be right to hold on to it for A since it won’t fit him.

Today I let go of one more thing that A will not be here for. Birthdays pass, holidays pass and shirt sizes pass too during adoptions. I’m learning to let go.

Forgive the blue lips they are the result of the bank teller and in fact they resulted in a quite peaceful trip to Wal-Mart for mom today! Thanks bank teller!

Forgive the pained look on his face …. he needed to potty and I made him stop to take a picture!

Much better!

I will forever think of my sweet boy in Haiti when I see this shirt!


7 responses to “Letting Go

  1. It is one amazingly cute shirt.

    I hear ya.

  2. So here is the deal… I often thought I understood things when reading in the past about all the steps of the process you were in. Like I may in some ways know how you felt. But I don’t think I ever got it. And still just starting the process ourselves I think I may only get it just a little. What it feels like to have children who are not home with you. You are so brave… strong…inspiring….INCREDIBLE. I only pray that I will hold up as you seem to in the openess. Because some days I really wonder if I have any clue about what is in store in the waiting over the next few years. I don’t think I do……

  3. Oh boy. I can relate. Every stage of hand-me-downs I hold on to like a jealous mother, thinking that THIS will be the stage of clothing that Keanan will wear when he gets home. Every time I have to pack them up, realizing he has passed that size, it breaks my heart.

  4. I know your pain….. just rejoice in the fact that A is growing! Our
    little guy could wear the same clothes two years later. Coming home
    at five years old and only wearing 18 month clothes- so not cool!

    It will stink to have Christmas come and go. It was very hard for
    me to think of much anything else last Christmas, except for my
    little boy living in an orphanage. Did he even know it was Christmas?
    It was rough.

    When are your interviews for the birth family? Praying they go smoothly

  5. I can totally relate to this. I have purchased so many things hoping and believing that I will be able to watch my little girl run and play while wearing them. It is never the dress or that cute little pair of striped pants that I am so sad for. It is just that it means I have missed out on the sweet baby babbles or watching little hands finger chunky building blocks. It’s the passing of the every day stuff that is the worst.

  6. Wow – I’m going through this too, right now. It’s so hard. It’s just a shirt or a pair of adorable pj’s but it is the hardest thing.

    Thank you for the comment on my blog. I am having a hard time but it makes me feel a whole lot better to hear from other people that know what this feels like, thank you so much!

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