parental mistake.

Parental mistake #894

Being a parent is so incredibly hard.  I always feel as though my actions and words are being heard and seen by a little child that is a sponge and picks them all up.  My kids pick up the good and unfortunately they pick up the bad as well.

I feel so small this morning.  I feel as though I have said something to my child that he remembers, thinks about and it bothers him.  I wish I could go back about two weeks and choose my words better to my little boy.

On our first Sunday to our new church Cayden insisted on tucking in his shirt.  It honestly looked very dorky tucked in and I didn’t like it one bit.  BUT if he wants to do it, then it’s his deal.  Not a big deal.  I was going to let him do it, but I was also going to try and talk him out of it.

I told him that Daddy never tucks in his shirt.  That didn’t work.

I told him that Bush never tucks in his shirt.  That didn’t work.

I then told him that it didn’t look good like that.  He disagreed.

THEN I said what I wish I could take back.  I said what I had no idea he would remember and recall.  I said what today I’m regretting.

I told him that the kids would laugh at him.

GASP I know – what the heck was I thinking.  It just came out before I could even think of how those words could grab ahold of him.

Fast forward to today and we’re getting ready for our first day of school.  We’re making it a big deal and talking all about it.  Daddy is making his favorite breakfast, oatmeal, and I’ve got his backpack, lunch box and nap mat all ready to go.

I’ve got him dressed in his coolest, little boy clothes.  I go to fix his hair and I ask him how he wants it done.  He told me “handsome, like Nana does it”.  Okay I make it handsome, and and he looks so super handsome.

This was odd b/c he normally is the first one to want crazy-rock-n-roll hair.  When we asked him why he didn’t he said ….. yeap you guessed it ….. I DON’T WANT THE KIDS TO LAUGH AT ME.

Oh my heart sank.  I looked at Aaron and my eyes got tears in them.  We reassured him that no one would make fun of him, and if they did it didn’t matter, b/c he liked it and could wear his hair how ever he wanted.  We reassured him and reassured him.  Then he dropped it and ran off and played like a little boy.

But I didn’t run off.  I explained what had happened 2 weeks earlier to Aaron and my heart hurt for the feeling of insecurity in my little boy had been placed there my none other than his mommy.

I’m hurting over this.  I know how much words can stick with someone and my goal now is to try and reverse those words I carelessly threw out there to my little, sensitive four year old.

Parenting is hard.  We will do great things and we will all screw up and do stupid things.  I hate the screwing up and doing stupid things.  I must remember that I’m only human and we will all make mistakes.

I hurt when I hurt my kids.


13 responses to “parental mistake.

  1. thehammondfamily

    thanks for sharing this. i’ve felt the same way too. take it as a lesson learned and enjoy your son. don’t beat yourself up over it 🙂 my friend always says that it’s okay for parents to make mistakes, they just need to be able to admit it to their children. that really helps me and I ask the kids for forgiveness all the time!

  2. I totally agree with the first comment. When we can admit our mistaken words to our children it really helps. You are a great mom. We all make mistakes and say the wrong thing now and then.

    It is so hard letting them do [and wear] what they want. Carly walked out the door today with a long sweater on over her summer like shirt. She was just given this sweater so she is dying to wear it. She did not care that we live in Houston and it will be 90+ degrees today. She feels cool. That is what I have to remind myself of.

    From one human mom to another…

  3. i apologized to Cayden and he looked at me funny, but it was more for me. i now will continue to pray even more for his little spirit to be strong and secure in who he is and who God created him to be.

  4. Reading this made the tears roll! My son is 19 now and that’s a lot of years of potentially saying dumb things. Just the other day at the dinner table we were having a conversation and I apologized for anything I’ve said over the years that was damaging to him! He laughed and said their wasn’t anything, but you know something will come to his memory at some point in his life.

    Every now and then I’ll remember something I’ve said or done or a time when I didn’t stick up for him with a teacher or something and I beat myself up real good. But I honestly think all the love we have shown our children covers over the bad stuff. Because their is soooo much more love shown.

    Especially when we cover our kids with so much prayer and ask God to lead us in our parenting. He’ll honor that. Wow, sorry this is so long.

  5. my 5 year old is relatively shy, but his favorite outfit is a blazing bright orange/yellow Yu-gi-o shirt, shorts, and his cowboy boots. he hasn’t tried to wear this to school, yet. oh how i have thought about the comments other kids might say. thanks for the reminder to just let him be him, when he does :o)

  6. Ahhh, I know how you feel. Parenting is hard and is hurts so much when our little ones take on worries that we put there for them. Don’t beat yourself up. You and your kids are beautiful children of God and you all deserve to be treated that way. Even when you make a mistake.

  7. You and I have never met. I am a friend of Traci’s and I found your blog, and check it weekly I might add, through her blog. I just wanted to thank you for sharing that moment with other mommies. I have one two year old daughter and I am constantly wondering how something I have said will impact her. Please know that it will most likely impact your son far less than it will you, and it will just make you an even better mommy because of it. From everything I have read on your blog you sound like Super Mommy to me, so thanks again for showing you too are human. The rest of us have a much harder time admitting to our mistakes.

  8. Oh my goodness, being a mom is brutal. I can totally picture myself saying the same thing. Especially over the tucked-in shirt. Oh my. I can relate.

  9. When i first read this post of yours, i thought “i’m not a mommy and can’t empathize”, but i certainly take the cake for saying dumb things….that is my biggest weakness….but i’m not here to talk about that….

    i wasn’t sure how i could encourage you here, but God did…..He said to remind you of something you said to me, the first day i met your sweet children… were talking about your children and their manners, and how maybe when they weren’t automatically outgoing, that you didn’t want that to seem ill-mannered. my comment to you was “your babies certainly aren’t ill-mannered”. then the thing that has stuck with me was when you said you’d like your children to be more out-going but at the same time didn’t want to “step” on their personalities. do you remember this conversation? i think i got most of the details correct, maybe not the words, but most of the details! the concern you showed that day has stuck in my heart….and i pray that God will use it to remind you that, although you make mistakes in parenting, He can redeem them.

    Jamie….you have an amazing heart, and i love that about you. your smile is radiant, and i can always see your love for your children. they are so sweet and i know your heart has alot to do with that.

    take care….see you sunday!

    much love, susan

  10. i totally know what you mean. its so hard! being a parent is crazy. its definitely a continual learning process for all of us! your post totally reminds me of me. i feel this way at times as well & i beat myself up about things i say or the way i act. keep your head up though…you are such a great mom & just the fact that THIS bothers you exemplifies that so much! cayden is such a great kid…its so obvious that you & aaron are awesome parents!

  11. I’m sure you probably already told your son exactly what you did and why it was wrong, and asked his forgiveness. But just in case you didn’t, I wanted to comment about what a long-lasting spiritual wound it is to children when their Christian parents cannot confess sin and ask forgiveness from their children.

    I worked at a Christian counseling center for some years as a counseling psychologist and met many teens in rebellion because of hypocritical parents who couldn’t admit their sins to their children’s faces. I read AAron’s blog and I’m pretty sure that you guys are among the most humble Christians one could meet; but I just wanted to throw in this comment based on my experience both as a professional and a parent. The biggest regrets I’ve had and witnessed in other parents is not their sins, for all of us fail in many ways. What we regret later is that we would not be humble in front of our children and admit just how petty we are: “Honey, I judged your appearance by my standards and tried to control you over something that Jesus died on the cross to give us liberty over. I was so wrong. Will you forgive me?”

    Thanks for sharing your mother’s heart. What an example.

  12. Jamie, I could just feel your pain in your words. You are such a great Mom & it is so human to make mistakes like this! Thankfully kids are so resiliant and usually just keep on going without a care. Praise God for that! You are doing a wonderful job with your boys–I look up to you so much as you parent them! Love you friend!

  13. I dunno why but your blog made me tear up a bit. I’m SO PROUD of you for recognizing your mistake. There’s so many kids out there who’s parents say stuff like to them all the time. I know of a woman who’d scare her child into submission by telling him if he was naughty the monsters would get him in the night. YIKES!!

    We all make mistakes, we screw up big time. Good thing with this one, you can sit him down and share your heart. I’m a big believer in admitting your mistakes to your own children. I think it helps them admit their own mistakes in the future. He might appreciate it if you sat him down and told him exactly what you feel.

    *hugs* to you. Yay you for seeing it and wanting to fix it, that’s a BIG step ahead!! Thanks for being human in your blog. I love your honesty so much!!

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