What I learned today.

I have learned a few things today …..

  • There are lots of people that are willing to pray and encourage us.  For that I am extremely thankful!  More than any of you will ever know!
  • Haiti is uncertain.  I  knew this, why did i have a moment this morning where I forgot this.
  • Haitian adoption laws are crazy.  Sometimes they hold them up sometimes they don’t.  I should not get worried about something that has not happened to us yet!  Haiti laws are constantly changing.
  • The best thing someone said to me today:  “faith does not grow in the house of certainty” – so this uncertainty will serve to grow your faith.   It will suck every single day – but it will ultimately mean amazing things for you and Aaron and the boys
  • same person said this …. You guys need to dig in — be prepared for a battle —- know that God will walk it with you — and know that there are those of us here and everywhere that love you and Story and Amos and will cheer and pray and pray and cheer for you all each and every step (or step back) of the way.
  • I am realizing that this is going to be a LONG and HARD journey.  NOT easy.  NOT smooth.  NOT predictable.  I need to get ready for the LONG HAUL of this thing.
  • another person reminded me of whose kids these kids really are … they are GOD’S kids.  he created them and molded them and put them in their mother’s wombs.  He loves them more than I ever could.  I am taking comfort in that tonight as well.

So, after a morning of lots of tears I am fine tonight.  I am realizing that I can’t let this bring me down every time something doesn’t look “perfect”.  I am strong.  I DESIRE for God to mold me into a better person through this.  I DESIRE for God to build my faith through this.  I DESIRE for God to MAKE me trust in HIM only and not any lawyer, facilitator, or country.

I heard a Charlie Hall song tonight after my run and the words went something like this …. Jesus I am tired today.  Refine me in your refiners fire …. OH HOW THIS IS MY ANTHEM TODAY!

I will press on.

I will allow him to sustain me.

I will trust in him alone.

I will stay on the path he has set my feet upon.

Gosh I love those kids.  Could they be any cuter??


26 responses to “What I learned today.

  1. Those pictures of Amos and the two of you on the computer screen … there are no words!

  2. oh the pictures.


  3. I am so speechless and have goose bumps all over me!!!!!!!!!!! Those are the sweetest pictures! I will certainly be praying BIG prayers for all involved.

  4. Sending hugs and love and prayers to see God in all of this…all the time…even when it hurts…we love you guys Jamie, VERY MUCH!

  5. Heather Sepulveda

    We are praying harder than ever for you guys and for those sweet babies.
    Love you!

  6. I needed to read these words this morning.

    Faith does not grow in the house of certainty.

    Thanks for being real James! I love you!

  7. Hi Jamie,

    LOVE your theme song!!! I am so many times reminded of refiner’s fire….the best part of walking through the fire….is knowing God walks right with you!!!!

    You and your family are loved and so, so, prayed for…..keep walking through the fire….YOU DO NOT WALK ALONE!!!!


  8. I praise the Lord above that He has placed people in your life that bring comfort to your heart. I pray for only good things for you all. This past Sunday our preacher spoke on Paul’s imprisonment for two years and all of the people he got to share the gospel of Christ with during those two years. Pastor said that when we are in a place that we think is a set back, search for the opportunity He has laid before you to preach His name, His truth, His love and His grace. I certainly think that you all are doing that now. Oh how many lives you all have touched just by sharing your’s. Thank you. I will be praying for you through these times.

    And by the way, I absolutely love the joy on your boy’s face when he sees your picture. And when he is kissing the screen, precious! I love it, love it, love it!!

  9. Jamie…Just wanted you to know that I have added your family and especially your children in Haiti, to our family’s “Prayin’ Home” list that we keep on our fridge. Just this morning, before reading your blog, I read Psalm 20:4-5. Check it out when have the chance. I am praying this for you!

  10. What? My asterisks didn’t touch you deeply enough to quote them??



    I boo-hoo’d like a baby when I saw the pics above last night. I didn’t get to listen to the guys online – we were having a family night watching “Wipeout!”

    Yes, we’re a classy group, I know.

  11. It’s ok to have those kind of moments. In those moments, we begin to truly seek the face of God. That’s what He wants. He’ll get you through it. If you’ll remember, I had a little break down last week. After lots of prayers (from me and for me) and lots of scripture reading…I’m “all better.” I’ll be lifting you guys up to the Father.

  12. Jamie-

    two of the MANY songs that held me through our Journey to bring Jonas home, were “All that I can say” by: David Crowder Band, and “Bring the Rain”, by Mercy Me. Also, anything by Selah is so uplifting. You will be a stronger woman on the other side of this valley, and I promise you that you will make it to the mountain top!!!!! Here are two of the verses that I kept on my mirror and would read often:

    Psalm 20:3-5 (New International Version)

    New International Version (NIV)
    Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

    3 May he remember all your sacrifices
    and accept your burnt offerings.

    4 May he give you the desire of your heart
    and make all your plans succeed.

    5 We will shout for joy when you are victorious
    and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
    May the LORD grant all your requests.

    Philippians 4:6-7 (New International Version)

    New International Version (NIV)
    Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

    6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

    I hope you find encouragement through these today!

  13. You do not know me but we are friends of Troy and Tara’s. I found your blog through them. Keep looking up! Only God can sustain you through this trial. Our first Russian adoption became very uncertain and the lessons we learned for the ways God provided was AMAZING!!! Amazing enough it took a crash of a military cargo plane to get us to Russia to bring the son home who we were wondering if we would ever get to bring home. Praying for your family.

  14. oh my gosh – that pic of amos kissing you on the computer screen….oh, its priceless! i loved it. brought tears to my eyes! having never been through this process, i have no words for you…but i do think you & aaron are amazing people & i know you are strong. and i know that our God is able to do above & beyond anything we ask or think. we’ll be praying!

  15. i too teared up when i saw the precious picture of amos kissing the computer screen. it is so beautiful to me how God has already placed you in each others hearts. it is that same God who will bring your family through this!

  16. OH, Jamie, my heart goes out to you. I have been where you are so many times over the past 2 years. I have seen laws change and miracles happen. I have seen God’s faithfulness in those dark moments where I could barely speak because the pain was so overwhelming.

    There is a song by Chris Tomlin called . The lyrics say, “this is the one we have waited for”. That has been a HUGE lesson for me. I am waiting on God. Last night at church God led me to the Scripture where this verse is found in Isaiah 25 (message):

    1 God, you are my God. I celebrate you. I praise you. You’ve done your share of miracle-wonders, well-thought-out plans, solid and sure. 2 Here you’ve reduced the city to rubble, the strong city to a pile of stones. The enemy Big City is a non-city, never to be a city again. 3 Superpowers will see it and honor you, brutal oppressors bow in worshipful reverence. 4 They’ll see that you take care of the poor, that you take care of poor people in trouble, Provide a warm, dry place in bad weather, provide a cool place when it’s hot. Brutal oppressors are like a winter blizzard 5 and vicious foreigners like high noon in the desert. But you, shelter from the storm and shade from the sun, shut the mouths of the big-mouthed bullies.

    6 But here on this mountain, God-of-the-Angel-Armies will throw a feast for all the people of the world, A feast of the finest foods, a feast with vintage wines, a feast of seven courses, a feast lavish with gourmet desserts. 7 And here on this mountain, God will banish the pall of doom hanging over all peoples, The shadow of doom darkening all nations. 8 Yes, he’ll banish death forever. And God will wipe the tears from every face. He’ll remove every sign of disgrace From his people, wherever they are. Yes! God says so!

    9 Also at that time, people will say, “Look at what’s happened! This is our God! We waited for him and he showed up and saved us! This God, the one we waited for! Let’s celebrate, sing the joys of his salvation.

    After I shared this scripture with the Body we started singing Chris’ chorus. I tell you what, it is hard for me to sing it w/out bursting into tears- and so I did. (Not good when you are mic’ed.) So many times I have reduced this adoption to two boys. And it is so much bigger than that. IT is about GOD. The One worthy of praise. See, God had this well-thought out plan long ago. He is a miracle working God. He is a God of wonders. And all though this scripture in Isaiah is about our salvation in Jesus, it speaks volumes about WHO our God is in our daily lives, and in the BIG dreams He gives us to dream. God waited. At just the right time Christ was born. At just the right time He fulfilled the promise. He IS the God of details and perfect timing. He is faithful. I pray that at the end of our adoption journies we both can proclaim, “This is our God”.

    Sending you hugs,

  17. Jamie –
    I vividly remember crying off and on for more than 6 weeks when I was very uncertain whether we’d ever bring Brooke home from Haiti. My hubby was deployed, so I went through it alone – you are are smart and strong to open up to everyone hear and shout out for prayers and support. I never felt like anyone would understand – who understands Haiti on a good day, let alone many bad ones? And it was hard to explain the corruption in the organization we were dealing with. I pray you are blessed to be working with experienced, highly thought of people that will get the job done as it should be.

    The mountains we had to climb at the end with bueracracy junk weren’t as hard for me because I was in Haiti with Brooke while we forged through it all. But, it’s ALWAYS hard to give up control and let go and just trust things will come to pass. Very “argh”ish moments to be certain.

    Those are dark days when you don’t know if those smiling faces will ever be in your arms, at home, where you believe God has meant them to be. I’m praying and pulling for you and hope that this is just one of those “TIH” moments that will pass, as they so often do.

  18. Jamie, Know that the Kirkseys love you guys and are praying for you! Your kids are PRECIOUS 🙂

  19. i did a little prayer post for you on my blog (didn’t mention your name), but just wanted you to know that many warriors are praying … We will walk w/ you this path and journey whether long or short … You are a strong woman and Aaron is a strong man and this will make you stronger together … You will glorify the Father in battling for these children … I have been thinking a lot about that song that says “Brokenness, Brokenness is what I long for” … It is seems like such an odd thing to ask for, but it is in our brokenness that the Father has the opportunity to love us deeper …

    I love you girl .. Please call if you need anything ….

  20. I want to recommend the devotional Streams in the Desert by L. B. Cowman, edited by James Reimann. Get the updated edition. This devotional has given me strength when I thought I couldn’t go on. It will encourage and uplift you. It will give you renewed faith to keep on keeping on. praying…

  21. Those are two BEAUTIFUL sweeties.
    God has many obstacles in His way in Haiti…
    He keeps pressing on- even when we think
    there is no hope. But, keep hoping….

  22. I haven’t read your blog this week so I missed your first post about this. I will be praying earnestly for God to answer your prayers. My heart breaks at the thought of you not being able to bring those two sweet kids home. This is such a reminder to me that I really have nothing to complain about with my adoption. Sure I might have a couple issues right now, but I know most likely that my daughter will be home soon whether it is in two months or four, she will be home.

  23. I remember being in your spot as if it were yesterday. International adoption certainly has more tough spots than not.

    I applaud you for having faith that I did not. I felt so hopeless may times during our adoption process, but I never did write a “post” of faith like yours. God will carry you through this and that’s His promise, not mine! While I learned plenty of lessons of faith during our journey, I already know God was able to use our trial to reach others. That may not help much as we’re in our light at the end of the tunnel, but I, like others, look forward to seeing yours come to fruition!


  24. Hi Jaimie,
    I am a friend of Gwen’s. I heard about your news and just wanted to send you a little word of encouragement. We had a similar thing happen to us. Our story is way too long for me to go into on this comment but I invite you to read “our adoption story” on my blog at http://www.puttyfamily.blogspot.com. We have been trying to adopt now for 3+ years. We started out trying to adopt from Ukraine and their country shut down and we waited for 2 years and then our agency shut down. We then were introduced to a little boy in Nigeria. We tried to adopt him for a year and redid all of our paperwork only to discover they wanted us to come live there w/ him for 3 months to evaluate us and then it could take 6-12 mo’s to complete the adoption. We have 5 other kids and could not do that so it broke our heart to have to give his uncle the news that we would not be able to adopt him. We still support him financially and have sent his mother back to school. All of these roads though, led us to our sweet little boy that we hope to bring home from Ethiopia in another month. It is amazing to look back at our journey of adoption and now see how all roads pointed to him. He was born the month we signed up to adopt from Ukraine. He lived w/ his mom for two years and was placed in the orphanage the month we were introduced to the little boy in Nigeria through a friend which then turned our hearts to Africa. One year later when we turned in our paper work for Ethiopia he was separated from his sister off of the waiting list since his sister didn’t live in the orphanage w/ him anyway. It was holding him up (now we see for us) from getting adopted. That very week he was placed for adoption separately they received our request that fit him perfectly and he was then referred to us. We now are able to see that all roads led to him and that everything happens for a reason. I know that is hard to grasp as you are dealing with the utter dissapointments right now. Hang in there. The Lord will continue to carry you through and is faithful to complete what He started. As He is working it all out two children have been blessed with love and prayers that will change their lives forever. I will stand with you and believe for your miracle.

  25. Stream in the Desert in an awesome devotional!! It’s what helped me get through losing our baby! I have the REALLY old copy though. I’m glad to hear there is a newer one! I love you, Shawnah

  26. jamie
    just catching up on your blog…
    we are praying for you guys and for God to do what only He can do.
    much love,
    the seays

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