missed moments in adoption.

I’ve decided to start going through all the “crap” we’ve accumulated in the 3.5 years we’ve lived in this house.  Where does all this stuff come from?  I’m embarrassed of all the stuff I took to goodwill today.  This was the first day and I only made a very small dent in the garage.  I’m determined to tackle more rooms throughout the summer.

I save all the kids clothes.  I call it thrifty!  Most everything Deacon has worn in his life was first displayed on his older brother two years earlier.  Those kind of things are cool to me.  I love pulling out “new” clothes from the garage and remembering when Cayden first wore them.

Today I decided that there is no reason for me to be saving any clothes that Deacon has already worn.  I have no boy coming up after Deacon.  I will not put Story in boy clothes.  We don’t plan on adding any more kids to our family for a long time.  So storing them in the garage in bins is pointless.

So, yesterday and today I have been going through those bins.  About every three shirts I will hold one up and remember.  I’ll remember Cayden wearing it first, and then Deacon wearing it just recently.  I love my boys and I love that they can share clothes.  I love buying my boys matching clothes.  When Deacon moves up to the shirt that originally Cayden wore it reminds me of how fast they are growing up.

In the 0-3 month bin (I know … i know … why do I still have those clothes!!!) I found the clothes that both boys wore home from the hospital.  I loved picking out both outfits.  They are both special to me and bring back so many happy memories.  Cayden’s makes me laugh because I remember how it was so tight on him.  He was 9lbs and 11 oz (yes I DID birth that!!) and his going home outfit was newborn size and he was busting out of the seams in it!  Then Deacon’s makes me laugh because it was a warm outfit that I picked out here in TN but in TX where he was born, it was not cold.  He was born in November and I forgot when I picked it out that it really never gets that cold in TX, especially in November!

Both of those outfits represent the birth of my kids.  Although Deacon didn’t actually come home with us after he left the hospital, I still got to dress him in his special outfit that I had picked out for him.

I started thinking about my two kids in Haiti.  I have no going home from the hospital outfit for them.  I feel as though I missed that part and today that made my heart sad.  Adoption is hard because of some of the things you miss.  But I wouldn’t change it for anything, because God knows the perfect timing of them entering our lives.  But for a split second today as I held two special blue outfits, I was sad for two outfits that I never got to pick out.

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6 responses to “missed moments in adoption.

  1. Ah, Jamie,

    While reading your last paragraph I was sad with you. I understand. And, I know it is so hard. But, you will have so many joyfilled firsts with both Amos and Story…you and Aaron…you will experience so many firsts through your eyes and heart….the first time that Cayden and Deacon hug precious Amos and Story…the first time you hear all four of your children running around the house giggling and having fun together……..so many firsts yet to come. Let’s pray about those. I know it hurts your heart to not have some firsts with Amos and Story…that is why you are their Mama…personally, I can’t wait to see that FIRST photo with all six of your smiling faces together…now, that’s the first I’m looking forward to!!!

    Keep your eye on those Treasures…the clothes they will outgrow but those Treasures right there with you Cayden and Deacon and those still waiting…Amos and Story…those truly are the Treasures!!!

    Diane

  2. You just need to buy special outfits for them to come home in anyway. They will just be bigger lol. Today was fun, I wish you could have heard Alex telling his dad about our day. I told him to tell dad about Deacon, and he said “Deacon is brown like me, and he is adopted like me.” Thank you so much I know it helped him to see another family like ours. We will have to do it again before you move.

  3. i can’t wait to see what you pick out for amos and story to wear on their plane ride home to meet their brothers. i know those outfits will be just as special!

  4. I have those moments a lot.

    I will sit and recount my own births, and we play, “I wonder if you birth mother experienced that?!?”

    I know my kids were born at home in Haiti (not like they had a birthing suite to choose from!!). We watch videos of home births and try to imagine their birth mom walking and swaying through contractions, etc.

    It helps all of us, even through the pain and loss.

  5. Thanks for this post. I think about those things, too. Diane’s comment really encouraged me, too.

  6. I too had the bin mom syndrome I will call it. I saved everything until we got Lauren a girl. I just felt we weren’t done and saved all this stuff. I had the 0-3 mo bin and up. I love giving my Drew Jaden’s old stuff. Drew is going to be bigger then Jaden though so now they wear close to the same size. Lauren gets all new stuff since she is my only girl. It brings back memories doesn’t it? It is sad to see them grow but more fun in so many ways. I just read your post from recent. I’m praying for you!!!

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