Consuming thoughts on adoption

***For those of you in the adoption world this will come as no surprise to you.  For those of you not in the adoption world, this will sound like complete craziness to you!

Sometimes it feels as though our adoption is all consuming.  It comes in spurts.  I think of these two kids EVERY day, but honestly some days are just more consuming.

Today is a consuming day for me.

Not sure if it’s because this is the first night I’ve been alone in a week and so my mind is more free to roam, but all I have thought about tonight is where are papers are in this crazy process.  I sit here and look at the IBESR blog and try to figure out who is getting out and when and why.  There is no rhyme or reason to this, and I’m not sure why I waste the time to try and figure this out.

It may have something to do with the fact that I just booked my tickets so the countdown (91 days) is on as to when I’ll see my kids.  I keep wondering where we’ll be in the process in 90 days.  Will we be out of IBESR?  Will we be in parquet?  Will I still be going crazy?

Sometimes I can’t even imagine them being home.  Will it ever come to pass?  Will these four kids ever be under one roof?  How many more trips will I take to visit and have to leave?  Will it get any easier?

Tonight I just broke down crying and yearning for these two to be home.  Yearning for us to not loose any more months of their lives.  Yearning to be their mommy.  Longing to connect Amos & Story to Cayden & Deacon.  I want them to meet.  I want them to love.  I want them to be best friends for life.

So now I’m off to bed to dream of Haiti.  To dream of all my kids.  I pray that our papers move and move quickly!

13 responses to “Consuming thoughts on adoption

  1. OH, I wish I could say I don’t understand, but I do. I wonder all those things too, with our adoption. I pray that in 90 days. you will be out of IBESR! Keep praying, and know that God is in control!

  2. I wish I could say I don’t understand too…but I’ve been through that wait and it was so very hard. Some days better than others, but no way to deny that you are a mama without two of **your** children home. I find there is such mystery in adoption and the way God forms families and burns deep mama love into mama hearts for children they haven’t even brought home yet. I’ll be praying for movement in your case and for peace during what I called the “weight of the wait.” Blessings!

  3. I don’t even have a word in my vocabulary that would accurately describe how painful, how trying, and how DIFFICULT the waiting is. To see marks of time, the landmarks where you said “surely they will be home by the time that ‘x’ happens,” simply pass without even a squeak of news about adoption progress, is incredibly disheartening. I am definitely there now, and definitely hoping for the day when I will be able to look over my shoulder at all the waiting that is BEHIND me. I pray that day comes soon – both for you and for me! Even though I am not a part of the Hatian adoption community, and even though my adoption process has been very different than the one you are currently navigating, it has been a great-big, old comfort to me to see someone else struggle through similar circumstances and emotions. Thank you for sharing all your ups and downs.

  4. I’ll be praying that things go smoothly for you and the wait is not TOO hard…

  5. I pray that it will go quickly. There is nothing like watching brothers and sisters play together and grow up together. To have those relationships with one another. I love having a big family. There is always so much life in our house. It is a lot of work, but it is SO worth it. Our kids are scattered out this morning doing different things and only Maveric and Piper are home and it is just too quiet! You and Aaron have so much joy ahead of you watching your four children do life together. They are so blessed to have you guys as parents.

  6. Hi Jamie! I’ve been reading your blog for some time, and I hope that your babies will be home soon! I can’t imagine how hard it is for your family right now. I’m actually writing a paper about adoption for a Spanish class. It deals specifically with how our adoption of children is an image of our adoption by God through the redeeming blood of Christ. I’ve been looking for recent statistics on the need for adoption-or just adoption in general- but they are all several years old. Do you know where I could find fairly recent statistics?

  7. The waiting is so hard. I also go through phases of obsessing online, checking the IBESR blogs and message boards and trying to make sense of it all. I am trying so hard not to do it, because it only seems to spin me out. But it is so hard to have something so important be completely out of your hands!

  8. YES!! YES!! YES!!! They will ALL be under one roof!!! YES, they will!!!


  9. So I happened onto your blog from another Blog. First you are awesome and definitely get hero status for what you are doing. Adoption is a great calling, I am a product of adoption and I just swell with joy when i read about people like you.

  10. i totally understand … adoption consumes so much of my thought that i think sometimes i can’t even communicate about anything else … i am trying very hard to live in the blessings of today … i know Christ has much to show me today and much to bless me w/ … I love ya girl and will get back to you on a playdate soon …

  11. consumed and waiting with you, my sister. take comfort in knowing that you do not walk this path alone. God is leading you and people like me are along the way. may you have peace when your heart is heavy, love when your sadness swells, and trust when it seems too hard.

  12. I’ve so been there. All I can honestly say is….it’s so worth it. The bumps in the road, the heartache of the wait, the longing for completeness…when those two beautiful kids are home, you really will forget all about it and you will be a beautiful family of six! I went through it with our adoption from China. There were days I’d just sit in her empty room and cry. It was the hardest time and we only had to wait 8 months from the time our paperwork went to China until we saw a picture. The poor people now are waiting upwards of 23 months for the same…I can not even imagine. I know, though, that I can not even remember those days of heartache…they’ve been replaced by the most adorable little angel….I’m not too biased. :0) Hang in there kiddo…

    Love, Kim

  13. I watched my aunt and uncle go through the adoption process and it was a long and grueling process. One that was once filled with broken hearts and emptiness, that soon lead to one of the happiest days of our lives. I’m praying for you, your family, and your children. I stumbled on your blog a while back, and have enjoyed reading about all 4 of your precious children. Good luck with the adoptions of Amos and Story, and I’m praying they go quickly for you!

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