Today was a very hard day. I wrote a very long post last night about how hard this would be and for some reason it didn’t save. Maybe it is good it didn’t, b/c it was raw emotion and i wasn’t in the best mood when i wrote it last night all by myself in the dark dreading the morning.
We road to the bridge in Cabaret to meet Eve and Frank to make the drop off. We held the kids the whole way and tried to explain to Amos that we would be back soon. He didn’t seem to get it at all though.
We showed up and I saw Roman (one of the nannies) and Eve but no truck. Not a truck in sight, only a handful of motorcycles sitting around waiting to make some money by giving people a ride. This worried me, but surely Frank would show up at any minute with the truck. 🙂
Nope, we got out and Peter (the guy with us and translating) tells us that they don’t have the truck today and that they are going to take the kids up the road on the bikes. Oh my gosh! That is all I could think. I would NEVER NEVER NEVER put any of my kids on a motorcycle. I wouldn’t even let Kent give Cayden a ride in their neighborhood. Never. Today was a new day. In Haiti things are different and if there is one main thing I’m learning through this it is that I have no control over this situation. This adoption journey is about me giving the control away and totally trusting God.
It was hard to leave them today. I cried, and cried and cried. Lots of crying. I felt like we were the morning show for all the Haitians at that stop. They all stood around and watched as the two white people handed over the two black kids and cried and kissed and cried and kissed. I kept telling the motorcycle man to go slow and be careful. He couldn’t understand a word I was saying, but I still told him. I told Roman to hold Story tightly and be careful.
Amos was so happy when we left. It was kinda good b/c he wasn’t sad. He was so happy to be on that motorcycle. I think that made his day. Every kids dream to drive a motorcycle. He basically was driving it since he was sitting in front of the guy. 🙂
I talked to Licia when I got back and they had made it safely. They were great and Amos was showing them all his new backpack and new toys. 🙂
These things are the hardest parts of adoption. Last night as I literally cried myself to sleep I started to think that it wasn’t worth it. I started to think that I never want to come again until they are coming home. I was thinking it was just too hard for me to handle. Giving them back sucks. I hate giving them back. Then I realized, that yes this is hard, but yes it is also good for them and for us. I think Aaron really bonded with Amos this week. It was very good for him to fall in love with Amos in person. I loved watching that.
Haiti has been great for me. I think we’ll always be friends with the Livesay tribe. HOpefully we can visit whenever they visit Brit in TX! I have enjoyed every second with my kids. I have loved loving on them. I have loved getting big sloppy kisses from Story. I have enjoyed being their mom for a week.
I am ready to see my kids on Friday. I miss them. I can’t wait to hug all over them and tell them about Amos and Story.