leaving the kids.

Today was a very hard day. I wrote a very long post last night about how hard this would be and for some reason it didn’t save. Maybe it is good it didn’t, b/c it was raw emotion and i wasn’t in the best mood when i wrote it last night all by myself in the dark dreading the morning.

We road to the bridge in Cabaret to meet Eve and Frank to make the drop off. We held the kids the whole way and tried to explain to Amos that we would be back soon. He didn’t seem to get it at all though.

We showed up and I saw Roman (one of the nannies) and Eve but no truck. Not a truck in sight, only a handful of motorcycles sitting around waiting to make some money by giving people a ride.  This worried me, but surely Frank would show up at any minute with the truck.  🙂

 

Nope, we got out and Peter (the guy with us and translating) tells us that they don’t have the truck today and that they are going to take the kids up the road on the bikes.  Oh my gosh!  That is all I could think.  I would NEVER NEVER NEVER put any of my kids on a motorcycle. I wouldn’t even let Kent give Cayden a ride in their neighborhood.  Never.  Today was a new day.  In Haiti things are different and if there is one main thing I’m learning through this it is that I have no control over this situation.  This adoption journey is about me giving the control away and totally trusting God.

 

It was hard to leave them today. I cried, and cried and cried.  Lots of crying.  I felt like we were the morning show for all the Haitians at that stop.  They all stood around and watched as the two white people handed over the two black kids and cried and kissed and cried and kissed.  I kept telling the motorcycle man to go slow and be careful.  He couldn’t understand a word I was saying, but I still told him.  I told Roman to hold Story tightly and be careful.

 

Amos was so happy when we left.  It was kinda good b/c he wasn’t sad.  He was so happy to be on that motorcycle.  I think that made his day.  Every kids dream to drive a motorcycle.  He basically was driving it since he was sitting in front of the guy.  🙂

 

I talked to Licia when I got back and they had made it safely.  They were great and Amos was showing them all his new backpack and new toys.  🙂  

 

These things are the hardest parts of adoption.  Last night as I literally cried myself to sleep I started to think that it wasn’t worth it.  I started to think that I never want to come again until they are coming home.  I was thinking it was just too hard for me to handle. Giving them back sucks.  I hate giving them back.    Then I realized, that yes this is hard, but yes it is also good for them and for us.  I think Aaron really bonded with Amos this week.  It was very good for him to fall in love with Amos in person.  I loved watching that.

 

Haiti has been great for me.  I think we’ll always be friends with the Livesay tribe.  HOpefully we can visit whenever they visit Brit in TX!  I have enjoyed every second with my kids.  I have loved loving on them.  I have loved getting big sloppy kisses from Story.  I have enjoyed being their mom for a week.  

 

I am ready to see my kids on Friday.  I miss them.  I can’t wait to hug all over them and tell them about Amos and Story.  

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17 responses to “leaving the kids.

  1. Hi Jamie,

    Another week in Haiti!!! That is two of your journeys to Haiti I’ve been blessed to share from afar. Thank you for sharing you family time while in Haiti. I know you love Amos and Story so much. I know it will be difficult to leave Haiti, but, I truly believe you leave a part of yourself there in some way with sweet Story and Amos….they truly are little heroes, don’t you think? They continue to just do what is expected of them and they do it well…..I just know God surely LOVES the little ones!!! He will be right there with your babies Jamie…and He will lead you back to your other babies:) Deacon and Cayden…..rest in Him.

    I continue to pray for all of you and will smile BIG on the day as a family of six you are home!!!

    Diane

  2. oh jamie, i have prayed for this moment for you … you are such a strong, wise, godly woman and I am so thankful God put you in my life … You are amazing and your story is changing me .. thank you for being honest and raw … i love ya sister …

  3. Crying- I love you and Im so so so sorry this is so hard. I can’t wait for the day when those are tears of joy because they are finally home! You are doing an incredible thing for these kids and it seems like these kids are doing incredible things for you!

  4. I can’t imagine how hard this must have been for you. Such a huge mix of emotions. My heart aches for you as you wait for your precious kids to be home with you! Know that our family is praying for your journey and that we rejoice with you for the day that you will bring them home. God is faithful, and as I look at the column to the right of this page, it is evident that He is joining your lives together with Amos and Story. He has led you this far, and he will lead you to the end of it (the adoption process). You and Aaron are the real deal. We are surrounded by so many fakes, but you are living out Christ’s love. You are truly an inspiring woman 🙂

  5. oh sweetie, I’m so sorry. No mom should ever have to leave her little ones and I can’t imagine the pain. . in light of that, I pray that God will use this experience to draw you closer to Him. That in the depths of pain and missing them that you will meet Him in deeper intimacy. That you will not only “get through” this time but will get out of it exactly what He has planned so that it is used for eternity.

    Praying and crying with you tonight,
    Brandi

  6. I just don’t have much to say other than I am crying with you. I know I can’t wait to see Amos and Story in person…I can’t imagine how you are feeling. Praying for you Jamie & Aaron…

  7. My heart just breaks for you. I can not even wrap my brain around how hard this must be for you to leave your children. I just love your honesty, and how you are so real in how you feel. I think to many times we have the “christian words” when on the inside we are broken. I love that about you, and that shows Gods love in a mighty way. You are touching so many just by being you. I will continue to pray for you and that the next trip will be to bring those sweet babies home. Love ya girl.

  8. just thinking about you…….just know you did what was in your heart to do and don’t ever regret it…..we need our kids home soon!!!!

    keri

  9. So sorry. Oh, the motorcycle incident. That is so classic Haiti. But somehow I bet it made the goodbye softer for Amos. Not for you, of course. Eek!

  10. My heart hurts as I read about you leaving Amos and Story. I know your heart will be so full one day when they are in your arms forever, and I pray that is so soon for you and them!!! You are strong!!

  11. brightasafeather

    wow. I just read Aaron’s post on this too. You two are gunna make me cry at work dangit!
    I can’t imagine how difficult this must be, but it will make all that much sweeter when you’re all together for good. You’ve given Amos and Story a family, and a great one at that! You’re doing what God sees as pure, you’re loving children who otherwise would be alone.
    I’m praying that it wont be too long before your family is “official” on paper like it is already in your hearts.
    I pray you find peace and joy in knowing that you are already a family, bonded by a love greater than we will ever fully know. You’re seeing God’s heart for us.
    May God bless your time in waiting.

  12. Hey Jaimie. . .I have been praying for you guys and your time in Haiti!! You are doing an amazing thing with the mission and with those children! I have loved getting to hear about sweet Amos and Story!! I pray for safe travels and for your time as you return.

  13. I have been praying for your time in Haiti. I have enjoyed reading about your time there both the good and the bad. It is amazing to see God put a passion for certain countries on each of us. You are doing a great job at being faithful to God’s calling on your life. Praying your paperwork will go super fast and your kids will be home before you know it! By the way I first found your blog a long time ago through the Bethany Forum.

  14. Oh my. That had to be SO hard. I know how it feels… except the motorcycle part! Praying for a safe trip home the rest of your journey. I have really enjoyed reading your blogs this past week. 🙂
    What a blessing Licia and Lori are!!!
    Love,
    S

  15. I kind of expected you two to be less authentic about this whole thing and tell us everything was ok when you left. I’m so glad you’re being real and letting us know your hearts. Your adoption story is really touching me and it’s giving me a really realistic view of the emotions that I’m going to face when I start the journey. Thank you for your honesty and that you for your story. Amos and Story are so beautiful and I think you’ve got hundreds of people madly in love with them as well.

  16. Wow! Is all I can say As I have been catching up on you guys, this blog touched me so much. I could feel your pain. I will continue to pray for you guys and the arrival of your babies. I am so glad that Aaron was able to meet the kids and fall in love with them, how awesome is that for him! God works in mysterious ways and I as read about the motorcycle I could only think Wow as we worry God has a plan, and as you stated Amos riding on that motorcycle gave him strength to say goodbye, because if he would have been holding on to your neck for dear life imagine what that would have done to you. So now those last images of your third son are good ones of him smiling! And not only that you got a 3rd first, their first motorcycle ride!!!

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