it is hard.

I’m going to be honest.  It is hard to go through this adoption process.  I am so in love with Amos and yet he doesn’t feel the same to me.  Adopting an infant through the states is so easy for bonding.  This is going to be a whole different story.

I know that there are many of you that have done it and I want to lean on you for support and encouragement.

It is hard to see Amos sleep all day long and be so hot and sweaty with fever.  It is hard to see him not eat all day long and lay in bed all day.  I hate it for him and I hate it for me.

I went to visit the rescue center kids today.  i took lots of pictures b/c they loved seeing their pictures.  i’ll give you updates on the kids tomorrow.  some of theym you guys know and love and have prayed for.  🙂

amos and i took a nap together today.  it was super sweet and i loved every minute of it.  i didn’t plan on sleeping, but i guess i was exhausted.

it is 6 pm here now and DARK.  PITCH DARK outside!!

okay tomorrow i’ll be in town (PAP) all day long with Barb and possibly Troy Livesay doing adoption stuff.  I’ll have Story with me too!  I’ll be full time mom tomorrow with diaper bag and all.  no 5 point harness car seats here either!!!  i’ll just hold on to her!!

pray for my baby tonight.


12 responses to “it is hard.

  1. I thought this would be a good time for my first comment on your blog…..and it is because I am moved to tears. Jamie you know how much I love you and my heart is heavy tonight. It is hard to describe….can a heart be heavy and overjoyed at the same time? It is amazing the way God places people in certain situations at certain times. Maybe all this is to show Amos what it is a mother does….you know moms are most needed when their children are sick. You are showing him that you will always be there to take care of him…..because that’s what moms do!

    I love you and am praying so much for you. May you feel the peace…..and may your heart truly sing!!!

    Love you!!

  2. Oh Jamie! I was thinking about you on my walk today. I was thinking about how hard this will be for you. THEN, I thought about the long term outcome of this bonding experience with Amos. I got a vision of the type of person and mother you will be once you guys have come through more of your journey together. It was the vision of a wise, patient, loving, seasoned, and radiant mother. This is going to be one of the hardest things you have taken on, but this will also be the most life-changing, character building experiences you will have as well. God is doing something big here.

  3. Hi Jamie:)

    I’m not even sure if you will be able to read this while in Haiti….but, I’ll try. Praying here and thinking of you and all, so many times throughout the day!!!

    Jamie, it takes time for sure. Do not give into fear and/or doubt. Amos little world is now becoming a different “real” to him also…Aaron mentioned that to see you with Amos is different than seeing photos of just Amos….same is true of Amos….He has known you only through photos….now, his world is uncertain again for him AND factor in that he just feels plain yucky since he is ill….it just takes time!!! Your smile in the photo with him is enough love for your entire family for sure:)

    When we were bringing home our daughter in 2001 from China….they told us, our adoption agency, that they had found that three days seems in many situations a real changing time for the child and their family…..well, hopefully while in Haiti you will see Amos transform before your eyes…once he feels better physically. The hardest part I believe will be leaving at the end of the week, in our three adoptions, all from China, we only travel the one time and that is when we met our daughters and were joined as a family, they returned home with us, that will be hard for you and very hard for Amos to understand….again you can not give into despair and fear…you MUST walk this uncertain journey to bring your children home…

    Be strong….praying here!!!

    Hugs to you, Jamie

  4. I am praying that Amos begins feeling better while you are there- so you get to experience the funny energetic boy you have watched on the videos they have sent you. Story is adorable- hold on to her tight as you are bouncing in the car through the nicely paved streets of Haiti!
    Just keep telling your babies how much you love them…. tell them a million trillion times.

  5. My prayers are with you. You were created for this Jamie and I know that God is so smiling down on you as you have taken action to follow him wherever He may lead.

  6. Jamie. I don’t really know what to say so just know I love you and am praying for you. Praying for Amos and Story as well…especially Amos to feel better!!!!

  7. We just brought our son home from Haiti, and I want to encourage you….You are doing the exact right thing. You are being a mother and loving your son. That is all you can do, and it is enough. After only 3 weeks at home, I can feel Bo (our son) trusting us. You are laying the groundwork for that trust. You already know from experience that being a mother is full of sacrifice. You are sacrificing the feeling for the result. I am proud of you, and I am praying for strength as you battle the sadness. Amos will come to show his feelings of security and trust….and then it is all worth it. 🙂

  8. Praying for you, Amos, and Story!

  9. jamie, we adopted a girl when she was 3y & it was very hard, but i didn’t have any bonding time with her (adopted through our welfare), but ruby came home at 3y also from haiti & we did have some bonding time there (once when she was sick) & there’s NO comparison as we never had 1 day of bonding ‘issues’ – amos knows who his mama is (he already proved that) & you’re his mama (you proved that too… remember the puke!) – you both will do fine, so don’t worry – it’ll help too with story being so young when she comes home, she’s not care at all & he’ll see that & since they’ve been together, he may just lean on her a bit too (which will be good)

    love ya girl!

  10. Praying for you girl. You will do just fine with Story. 🙂 Praying that Amos starts feeling better SOON so that you guys can get in more bonding time. And I’m praying for the woman at the center, I can not even imagine how she makes it through each day…

  11. I’m so moved by your trip, your experiences, and your feelings through it all. I am praying fervently and consistently throughout my days, and asking God to fill you to the full with Him, so you can pour it out on these precious ones you are with. I’m praying for your children – the ones you are with, and the ones back home. You are beautiful, inside and out. You teach well by your writings. I praise God for you, my friend.

  12. I just stumbled onto your blog… and had to say something. We’ve been home with our liberian-adopted son six weeks today — and yes, it’s hard!… but also mind-blowingly rewarding. The best thing is that we aren’t alone! There are many, many others who have been down this incredible road and there is an instant bond between us.

    I will say a prayer for you and your son tonight.

    Amber G.

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