missed moments in adoption.

I’ve decided to start going through all the “crap” we’ve accumulated in the 3.5 years we’ve lived in this house.  Where does all this stuff come from?  I’m embarrassed of all the stuff I took to goodwill today.  This was the first day and I only made a very small dent in the garage.  I’m determined to tackle more rooms throughout the summer.

I save all the kids clothes.  I call it thrifty!  Most everything Deacon has worn in his life was first displayed on his older brother two years earlier.  Those kind of things are cool to me.  I love pulling out “new” clothes from the garage and remembering when Cayden first wore them.

Today I decided that there is no reason for me to be saving any clothes that Deacon has already worn.  I have no boy coming up after Deacon.  I will not put Story in boy clothes.  We don’t plan on adding any more kids to our family for a long time.  So storing them in the garage in bins is pointless.

So, yesterday and today I have been going through those bins.  About every three shirts I will hold one up and remember.  I’ll remember Cayden wearing it first, and then Deacon wearing it just recently.  I love my boys and I love that they can share clothes.  I love buying my boys matching clothes.  When Deacon moves up to the shirt that originally Cayden wore it reminds me of how fast they are growing up.

In the 0-3 month bin (I know … i know … why do I still have those clothes!!!) I found the clothes that both boys wore home from the hospital.  I loved picking out both outfits.  They are both special to me and bring back so many happy memories.  Cayden’s makes me laugh because I remember how it was so tight on him.  He was 9lbs and 11 oz (yes I DID birth that!!) and his going home outfit was newborn size and he was busting out of the seams in it!  Then Deacon’s makes me laugh because it was a warm outfit that I picked out here in TN but in TX where he was born, it was not cold.  He was born in November and I forgot when I picked it out that it really never gets that cold in TX, especially in November!

Both of those outfits represent the birth of my kids.  Although Deacon didn’t actually come home with us after he left the hospital, I still got to dress him in his special outfit that I had picked out for him.

I started thinking about my two kids in Haiti.  I have no going home from the hospital outfit for them.  I feel as though I missed that part and today that made my heart sad.  Adoption is hard because of some of the things you miss.  But I wouldn’t change it for anything, because God knows the perfect timing of them entering our lives.  But for a split second today as I held two special blue outfits, I was sad for two outfits that I never got to pick out.

Some bunny loves me.

41 weeks and 6 days.

In case you are wondering that is how long it is until Easter 2009.  You see, yesterday at Old Navy I bought a one piece cute outfit for my Story that says “some bunny loves me”.  I wonder if she’ll be here to wear it, or if I’ll be sending it to Haiti?  41 weeks and 6 days until we find out.

This past year at Target I bought all three boys matching easter baskets.  I wonder if Amos will use his in 2009 or will it wait until 2010.  41 weeks and 6 days until we find out.

Anyone else try to figure out holiday’s that their kids WILL be home for?

conversation with a 4 year old!

Recently while on a walk with the boys Cayden and I had this conversation.  I was listening to my ipod  and he asked me this …

C:  Mommy are you listening to daddy song (what he calls SPUR songs)?

Me:  No, I’m listening to something else.

C:  you like him don’t you.

Me:  yes I like daddy.

C: well you did marry him!

How funny is that!

running with kids.

The past two evenings I have done something that I love.  I love to do this even though I don’t remember the last time I did.   I feel so good after I do this.  I have never done this with the kids before, but yesterday and today I did.  They did great.  We took books, water and snacks and they were good to go!

I went out on the road and I RAN!  I seriously do not remember the last time I ran.  I miss it.  I enjoy it.  It is hard right now.  It makes me feel good.  I’m embarrassed that last year I ran 2 half marathon’s, a 10K and 2 5K’s and now it is almost July and I haven’t ran one time this entire year.  UGH!  AWFUL!

I ran with my kids in our double stroller.  A stroller that was made for strolling, not for running!  It is hard pushing an extra 50-60 pounds on a run!!!  On the side where Cayden sits was extra heavy (obviously) and that arm was killing me more than my legs.  He was sitting on the inside.  Any advice on my arms not hurting.  When I would walk I would move over to the side where he was and push with my left arm only.   Should the heaviest child sit on the inside or the outside of the stroller?

Each night I have ran 2.2 miles.  Tonight I did it in 31 minutes.  I use the word “ran” loosely.  My plan each night has been walk for 2 minutes then run for 3 minutes.  It has worked well for me.   I am hoping to do this at least 5 times a week.  When Aaron’s home I won’t have to take the kids and I should be super strong after pushing them all week!!

So, anyone out there that is a pro at running with kids in a stroller …. I need any help, advice, hints you might have.  Aaron said tonight that we can start looking at jog strollers.    Anyone have any advice on good ones/bad ones?

3 children died this week

I am pretty certain that watching death take children like this is not easy and doesn’t ever get “normal”.  I am thankful for the clinic and rescue center of Real Hope for Haiti.  They endure much hardship and pain while accomplishing so much.

6 months in IBESR

A friend of mine and a fellow adoptive mom gave me some good advice tonight.  I’m going to try it out.  It’s not usually how I do things, but maybe it will help.

They entered IBESR around the same time we did.  I ask her weekly about their status.  I’m sure she’s tired of those emails.  She told me tonight that they expect to be there for 6 months and so if it is shorter then they’re excited.

I’m going to try this.  So, I expect us to be in IBESR until ….. October 28th.  WOW – I DO NOT like the way that looks.

If it ends up being longer than this than I’m mad at her for this advice!  YES … you know who you are!!!!!

meals for the week …

Tonight I went grocery shopping.

I don’t do grocery shopping.

When I grocery shop I get chips, salsa and that’s about it.

Aaron does the “real” grocery shopping in our family!  He plans the meals in our family.  He cooks in our family.  I know HE IS AMAZING!  Well he’s not here today, so I had to step up to the plate and do our grocery shopping.  I also had two cute little boys with me!

After I got home and unloaded the groceries I called Aaron and told him that I would never ever ask him to take both boys to the grocery store again!

I found two new favorite things today that I want to tell you about.

#1 = Sugar Free brownies – I was very hesitant about these, but thought I’d give it a shot.  They are not bad.  They are a little “cakey”, but they will still give me that chocolate sweet treat at night after the kids have gone to bed and not all the sugar!

#2 = Santa Barbara Salsa in the flavor of …. Chipotle-Pineapple ….. yummy!  I’m loving this tonight with my chips.

So those were my two favorite new finds for today!

Here’s what I’m making this week ….

from my friend Rachel

Easy Tortilla Soup
1 can corn (drained)
2 cans chicken broth
2 cooked & cubed chicken breasts
1 can black beans
1 can Rotel (diced tomatoes with green chilies)
Chili pepper to taste
Shredded cheese (for garnish–optional)
Tortilla chips (for garnish–optional)

Open all cans & dump into pot with chicken.  Simmer at least 20 minutes & serve.

Then a random recipe that my mom gave me a while back …

Chicken Tetrazzini
1 16oz pkg vermicelli
1C chicken broth
4C chopped cooked chicken
1C cream of mushroom soup
1C cream of chicken soup
1C cream of celery soup
8oz sour cream
1 6oz jar sliced mushrooms
1/2C shredded parmesan cheese
salt and pepper
2C shredded cheddar

Cook vermicelli as directed and drain
Stir together all ingredients (except cheddar cheese) into bowl
Lightly grease 2 baking dishes
Sprinkle cheddar on top of both dishes
Bake covered at 350 for 30 min
Uncover bake about 5 min or until cheese melts
(can freeze for up to 1 month)

So … what are your favorite new finds at the grocery store?  What are you making for dinner this week?

RHODES to Haiti!

Our friends Kim & Dave are expecting!  Yeap they have just begun the process of adoption through Haiti.  Go HERE to read all about it!

The IVEY family is so happy for the RHODES family!!!

Consuming thoughts on adoption

***For those of you in the adoption world this will come as no surprise to you.  For those of you not in the adoption world, this will sound like complete craziness to you!

Sometimes it feels as though our adoption is all consuming.  It comes in spurts.  I think of these two kids EVERY day, but honestly some days are just more consuming.

Today is a consuming day for me.

Not sure if it’s because this is the first night I’ve been alone in a week and so my mind is more free to roam, but all I have thought about tonight is where are papers are in this crazy process.  I sit here and look at the IBESR blog and try to figure out who is getting out and when and why.  There is no rhyme or reason to this, and I’m not sure why I waste the time to try and figure this out.

It may have something to do with the fact that I just booked my tickets so the countdown (91 days) is on as to when I’ll see my kids.  I keep wondering where we’ll be in the process in 90 days.  Will we be out of IBESR?  Will we be in parquet?  Will I still be going crazy?

Sometimes I can’t even imagine them being home.  Will it ever come to pass?  Will these four kids ever be under one roof?  How many more trips will I take to visit and have to leave?  Will it get any easier?

Tonight I just broke down crying and yearning for these two to be home.  Yearning for us to not loose any more months of their lives.  Yearning to be their mommy.  Longing to connect Amos & Story to Cayden & Deacon.  I want them to meet.  I want them to love.  I want them to be best friends for life.

So now I’m off to bed to dream of Haiti.  To dream of all my kids.  I pray that our papers move and move quickly!

heading to Haiti!

I BOOKED MY TICKETS!  I will be heading to Haiti the end of September and will wrap my arms around these two kids ….

I have been wanting to book these tickets for a while, but was stressed out about it.  I don’t know where we’ll be living in September and that makes it difficult to book tickets!  Last night Aaron and I just decided to book them from Texas and if we’re not there then we’ll figure something out when the time comes!

It does my spirit good to know when I’ll be seeing these kids.  Having a trip on the calendar makes this wait so much easier.  I know that in 91 days I will loving on my two kids in Haiti.  That makes me happy!

Today makes 8 weeks since we entered IBESR.  I wish I knew when we would get out of there!  Waiting is so hard!