Tina.

I went to a fabulous bible study tonight led my a friend of mine, Tina Hutchison.  She is an amazing woman and a great teacher.  She has a love for our God that is radiating from her words and her actions.  She serves weekly in a prison for women here in TN.  She is truly the hands and feet of Jesus weekly to these ladies.

I got to talk with her afterwards and our conversation turned into a conversation about Bart Whittaker.  This is a man that is on death row in TX, which I read tonight that TX has killed more people in four years than all other states combined.  Now that’s a record to be proud of!   Anyhow Tina has begun writing him and they are now friends.  I love this b/c Tina is amazing and such an encouragement and am so happy that Bart is able to benefit from her words.  From what Tina said tonight she is also benefiting from his words too.

I encourage you to go and read Bart’s journal.  It is raw and real.  You may not like what you read, but we must remember that all the people in the prison systems are still humans.  They were still created in the image of God.  They still deserve to be loved and heard.

The Kite Runner

Just finished watching a great movie.  The Kite Runner is worth your time.  I read the book when it came out and must say that as usual the book is 100 times better.  I highly suggest the book for you readers out there.  If not, be sure and see the movie.  I give the movie a thumbs up and the book two thumbs up!

Dinner Conversations

Tonight for dinner we had great conversations.  It was just the boys and myself over spaghetti and I love when they just talk about random stuff.  Here were a few of our conversations:

• When I grow up I want to ride on a space ship. – Cayden
• Cayden and Deacon developed a plan for their own band.  Deacon on drums, Cayden playing guitar like Jimmie (bobbing head and shouting “yeah baby”) and Amos playing piano like daddy and singing.  I asked about Story and Cayden looked at me like I was crazy.  Of course she is too little.  She will just sit and watch!
• Stupid is not a nice word.  Earlier in the day Cayden looked at Carson and called him a “stupid dog”.  Oh I hope I have not said this before.  I don’t recall saying it even though I have surely thought those words many times!
• I can’t stop my tooties.  – Deacon
• Cayden was so confused as to where the meatballs were in his spaghetti.  I have never made meatballs before.  He has been over at the Shingleton’s too many times, since Shawnah makes home made ones. 
• They both want to play basketball when they grow up and have no sleeves and tattoos.  I was watching the UCLA game before dinner and apparently they noticed the uniforms with no sleeves and every player sporting a tattoo on his arm!  I firmly told them not until they are 18 in this house!
• God made everyone with different hair and different color.  Some have curly, some have long girl hair, some have short hair.  I want long hair (pointing to some over his eyes) like Jimmie so I can play the guitar. – Cayden

I love random conversations with a four year old and two year old.  Amos and Story we’re ready for your input here too!

thankful.

I follow a blog of a lady here in Nashville who is carrying a baby that is not supposed to live much after her delivery.  I cry every time I read a post of hers.  I am always snapped back into reality after reading something about her journey.  It is amazing how God can do so much in your own life just by hearing about someone else’s life.

Today I read this post and cried through the entire thing.  She talked about her child becoming a legacy and God doing good out of her short life.  I urge you to go and read this post and her other posts as well.

The kids were waiting for me in their room to read to them before nap time while I read this posts.  I dried my tears, wiped my face and headed in to read Go, Dog. Go! to them before nap time.   The minute I sat down on Cayden’s bed and they surrounded me I lost it.  I began the ugly cry and they looked at me with shock.  They each began hugging me and asking me why I was crying.  Cayden was wiping tears from my face as Deacon clung to my chest.  I looked at them both and told them that I loved them so much and I was so thankful that God chose me to be their mommy.  I told Cayden I was glad that God put him in my belly so I could be his mommy.  I told Deacon that I was glad that God put him in J’s belly so that I could be his mommy.  I told them I was glad that God put Amos & Story in Haiti and chose me to be their mommy.  They just smiled and asked me to hurry up and read the book.

I am thankful for my kids.  I am thankful that I’m their mommy.

I am thankful for Angie and thankful that she was chosen to be Audrey’s mommy.

new pictures of Amos & Story

I must saw that one thing I am loving about our current adoption situation is the frequency that we receive pictures of our children.  With us knowing about them before our dossier was even down there that brings new emotions as we watch them literally get bigger before our eyes in pictures.  I would not have it any other way though, because I feel like I get to see them from afar and know that they are happy.

This week we received a lot of pictures and I want to share some with you.  This morning I received some from Lori.  She must have gotten these from a family that was recently down there visiting their twins that they are adopting.  Here are two of my favorites:

This is Story and Trey.  Trey is Licia’s youngest son and I can not tell you how much he reminds me of my Deacon.  He is the life of the party and always has something going on.  When he would get in trouble when I was there in Jan. it is like he is too cute to get mad at.  Is that Deacon or what???  He is a charmer and a lover.  I loved being around him because he reminded me of Deacon.  He loves Story too.  Look at him and her here together:

Okay anyone else know what I’m thinking here???  I have to get this girl some pink and purple to wear!!!  Ha Ha!  Am I excited to be a mom of a little girl or what??  Aaron is always quick to remind me that the last things these kids need from us is new clothes.  I know I know I know!!!!  Sometimes I just can’t help it!!

Here is a sweet picture of our boy Amos.

I can’t wait to get LOTS and LOTS of kisses from this guy.  He is going to rock Aaron’s world!!!  Love him!

If you know anything about Haiti you know that something is always going to come up so that no process runs smoothly!  Those of you in the adoption world probably consider this an understatement, but that’s my impression of things right now.  As I wrote about the other day these things are not making me mad right now, I’m just going with the flow and allowing God to guide my thoughts and attitude.  God is in control.  I must remind myself of that daily.

Anyhow a few days ago we found out that we needed stuff from Amos’ grandpa to verify the story of his abandonment.  I  had convinced myself this would take weeks.  I mean this is Haiti.  Well to my amazement he was in town on Tuesday working on his stuff.  He got it all done yesterday and the stuff is now in Barb’s hands.  WOW!  I owe a HUGE thanks to Lori for working on this.  Thanks so much!!!

I asked her when gramps was there with Amos if she would mind getting some pictures for me.  She got great ones and I’m so thankful to have these for Amos one day.

Let me remind you that Amos’ grandpa is the one that brought him to the RC when he was about 9 months old weighing in at about 14 pounds.  He was literally starving to death.  This grandpa had been caring for him and could not anymore.  From what I remember they are not blood related, but none the less you can see the love that gramps has for Amos.  It is evident in his smiles and touches in the pictures below.  Here is the first picture of Amos and gramps I have when he brought him to the RC almost two years ago.

He cared for Amos when no one else would and for that I’m eternally grateful to this man.  He literally saved his life by bringing him to the RC to get medicine, food, love and eventually a family to love him forever.

Look at Amos and gramps this week.  Also in the picture is an uncle that also came to town to verify the story of how Amos arrived at the RC.

This next one is my all time favorite of Amos and his grandpa.  Look at the way Gramps is holding on to Amos’ hand.  That is compassion and love right there.  I love it.  It speaks volumes of this relationship and of his heart.

For gramps to come to town and leave his gardening job costs him $2.05 per day in wages.  He had to pay someone to do his hard manual labor for him while he was gone.  He did this for Amos.  We are grateful.  We will bless this man when we come and visit with some new gardening tools and hopefully some shoes.

I love getting pictures of my kids.  I love watching them grow.  I love seeing them being taken care of.  It makes my heart rest when I worry about them.  I can’t wait to see them in May!  I will bring lots of love to them and even a few pink and purple outfits for my baby girl!

constantly dreaming.

I have read too many blogs to count where adoptive parents mourn another holiday passing without their kids home.  We have not encountered one of those holiday’s yet, but once Christmas 2008 gets here we will begin those dreaded holiday’s.

No where in my mind do I think that my kids will be home by Christmas.  That is 9 months away and just not practical.  The reason that will be our first holiday to mourn is because when we started this process in September of 2007 that was our hope.  We were hoping and praying for Christmas of 08.  I have said that so many times when people ask when we hope to have them home.  I do not say that anymore.

This past weekend at the Easter service we attended in Austin I was brought to tears while thinking about my kids.  My hope is now that they are home before Easter 2009.  I checked and that is April 12, 2009.  That is 12 months away.  It would be a miracle, but hey I can dream right.  God can do big things.

This is the holiday in my mind now that I will dream about every day.

I will dream about dressing all four of my kids in matching clothes.

I will dream about the first Sunday we all go to church together.

I will dream about the first breakfast we eat at home together.

I will dream about the first night in our own home.

I will dream about putting Amos and Story in their jammies after a bath.

I will dream about the first time I tuck all three boys into bed in one room.

I will dream about the first time I put a bow in Story’s hair.

I will dream about our first trip to the beach.

I will dream about Amos and Deacon playing soccer on the same team.

I will dream about Story wearing cute dresses with her initials on the collar.

I will dream about our first Thanksgiving together.   first Christmas.  first birthday’s at home.

I could go on and on.  I know all of you waiting parents could do the same.  These thoughts never leave my mind.  I am constantly dreaming of all the firsts we will have with our kids.   I am constantly dreaming of these kids being here in my arms.  I am constantly thinking of them.

I am constantly dreaming.

in her momma’s arms

I follow a blog of a lady that lives near me and she is finally holding her baby girl in Africa!  Please go visit her blog, read her stories and share some love with her.

OH how I can’t wait to post pics of Aaron holding our kids in May!!

slings.

Okay moms I need your professional opinion on the subject of baby slings.  Which ones have you bought that you loved?  Which ones did you hate?  I want something easy and styling too.

This weekend at church a lady had four kids under 5 and she was wearing one on her back in an ergo baby carrier.   She said it is a must buy for me and that she loves it.

I have also seen this one that I love because of the fabric.

I want something for when I’m in Haiti and when I’m home too.

Okay bring on the ideas ……

a new book.

I finished ATONEMENT by Ian McEwan this weekend. It was good but not my favorite love story ending! The parts where he was in the war were hard for me to read. Not because of violence, but because it wasn’t interesting to me and it was kinda hard for me to follow.

I hope to see the movie within the next two weeks and I’ll let you know which one is better.

Now I’m off to a new book. Any ideas again? My goal is to read fiction then non fiction and so on. That way I’m not always reading stories and not always getting bored with non fiction.

On my night stand are these three books:

• HOW TO RUIN YOUR DATING LIFE by Matthew Paul Turner & Kerri Pomarolli – not that I’m looking into dating or anything, but I was sent this book b/c I told them I would read it and review it on my blog … I feel like I should!
• MAJOR CHOCTAW by Marie Parker – a book that is actually written about MY grandpa!!! How cool is that. Not sure if you can even get this in a store, but I have one from my grandma and am super excited to read it. I’m a proud granddaughter! I am named partly after this man, Jamie for his middle name of James, and my oldest son Cayden’s middle name is James after this man! Loved this guy! He passed away 5 years ago today. He is now with Jesus and I’m so happy for him! He now has a new body and that makes me smile so big! He now can talk and walk and that makes me so happy for him! I can’t wait to see this man again one day!
• BREAKING FREE by Beth Moore – I did this bible study in 2000 and it was life changing in my life. I mean life changing! My sweet friend Nancy sent me this and I can’t wait to read this book and allow God to work in my heart through this book all over again!

Here’s what’s on my ongoing list from friends ….

• The Farming of Bones by Edwidge Danticat
• Cane River and Red River -Lalita Tademy
• Cooked
• Reconciliation Blues by Edward Gilbreath
• The Road by Cormac McCarthy
• Uncle Sam’s Plantation – Star Parker
• Three cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson & David Oliver Relin
• The Shack
• Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons by Lorna Landvik
• extremely loud and incredibly close
• Brother, I’m dying – Edwidge Danticat
• Alchemist
• Family driven faith – vodie bauchum jr
• and of course EAST OF EDEN recommended by Aaron!

I may just head to the library and see what they have …. or I could finish what’s on my bedside table first!!! Send me your suggestions and I’ll add them to my ongoing list! Any of these you loved, hated, let me know!
Happy Tuesday!

it’s Haiti – don’t ask.

I feel like every time I turn around something else is needed for our papers to be complete and ready to move.  As soon as we think it is all there and all ready, we are told it is not.  We just found out that we now need Amos’ grandpa to bring his ID and come to tell about the abandonment of Amos.   Great.  Not sure if he has an ID card or a birth certificate, but Licia and Lori are working on it.

I have come to realize that when something like this happens I don’t get upset or angry.  For a few reasons.  #1 it is not like I have anyone to get angry at.  It is not someone’s fault that this is happening.  We just need more stuff.  No one to blame.  #2 it is Haiti.  Enough said.  I will not try and figure it out, b/c you can’t.  #3 I wonder if all these hold ups are for a reason.  Our papers have been there since Jan.  We had to redo our Psych letters, then we had to redo our letter to IBESR and recomendation letters, and now we need Grandpa’s ID card.  there are lots of hold ups right now in the system.  Different departments are holding people up and some people have even been denied their adoption and kicked out.  (oh dear LORD, please don’t make me go through this)  What if  God is keeping our papers out for a reason right now.  What if they went in back in January and we were have gotten into the hold up in IBESR?  What if?  What if?  What if?  I could do this game all night long.

I want my kids home so badly.  I want my papers to start moving so badly.  I want an IBESR number so badly.  I want all this, and I want it all in God’s timing.  That is the hard part.  I know in my head I want it in HIS timing, but in  my heart I want it NOW in my timing.

So, papers haven’t moved.  Still waiting on something.  I know God is in control.  He is bigger than any missing ID card!