stupid adoption comment

So, this weekend I was at a football game and had one of the most stupid comments about adoption said to me.

I was explaining to this man (in his 40’s) that I have three boys. Two at home and one in Haiti that we are adopting. He looked at me with a weird look in his face and said to me …. “are you just very religious or just a good person?”

WOW! As if you can’t be both. As if only religious people adopt. As if I’m a better person than others b/c I adopt.

What a weirdo. He then would introduce me to anyone new as “jamie – the girl who wants to save the world”.

I think he was mocking me.

Dossier Requirements

The list of dossier requirements is LONG and SCARY! It is so much paperwork and takes so much time to gather everything together. I have a paper that lists everything and I am slowly but surely crossing things off of that list!

Here is what we have left to gather.
* Home study – finished but waiting on social worker to write up and get it to us.
* ID Photos – still not sure what I’m waiting on … maybe a good hair day?
* I864 – VERY long form that I do NOT understand at all – also need tax forms and W2’s and 1040’s to go along with this
* Medical Evalutions – we have both had these done and now we just wait on the doctor to type up how healthy we are!
* Psychological Evaluations – I have been calling around and tonight found the best deal I have found so far – $200 each – I’ll be making us appointments for the next two weeks!
* Reference letters – I have received two and just need three more.

So, that is what we are still working on. After all this is in we’ll start translating (some of what we already have is with the translator now), state certifying and Haitian Authenticating. Not sure how long that will take, but we want all this to Haiti by end of November. Think we can do it?

Happy Birthday MOM!

Happy Birthday to you!  Happy Birthday to you!  Happy Birthday dear Nana!  Happy Birthday to you!

Mom – I love you!  Hope you have a great day today and know that you are dearly loved by all of us in TN!

Thanks for being a great mom to me.  A great example to me as a Christ follower and a great example to our boys as to how to love people and serve people.  Thanks.

booked my flight!

I just booked tickets today! I’m going to meet my son face to face in January! Praise God! I’m so happy I could cry thinking about it. I have a lot of emotions about this trip. So extremely happy, but yet scared and apprehensive too. I’ll be traveling alone and that kinda scares me. I’ll worry a lot about something happening to me and make myself sick on the plane. I am a worry person, so if you need something to pray for me about, go ahead and add that to your list now for January! BUT I would go through all the worry and all that anxiety and all that stress to get to spend one day with Amos. I will have six days with him! You have no idea how this makes me feel. I can’t wait to meet Licia, Lori and all the ladies and men that work there. I can’t wait to meet Amos’ friends and see how the clinic and center run. I’m so excited!

how do you say thank you?

That is what I have been feeling lately. How do you say thank you to people that do such nice things to you?

We have seen so many people do so many nice things for us over the last few months through our adoption. I can’t even begin to list them all on here, but here are a few.

We have received paypal donations from people that we don’t even know. We have received paypal donations from blog “friends” that we’ve never even met. We have received donations from people that we barely know. All the donations have touched us because they are all sacrifices to the people that make them. If someone sends thousands or hundreds or fifty, they all touch us the same. We are blown away with the support that people have given us. We send out a HUGE thank you to all of you and then feel as though that doesn’t even do justice to how we feel. We opened a card last week from a dear friend who sent us money and a sweet card of encouragement.

At one of our car washes a lady left her business card in the jar and wanted me to call her. It was for a TASTE OF HOME ENTERTAINING party. I didn’t want to have a party now, so I didn’t call her and didn’t think about it again. Then she called me and told me that she wanted me to have a party and she would give me all her profits. What? She is giving her profits away to our adoption expenses. WOW! Did I mention that I never met her until she walked through my door for the party??!! Once again, a stranger is blessing us.

We have other friends that I have never met face to face and they sold tamales to raise money for us. WOW!

People bought magazines off our magazine fundraiser that I had never met. We raised about $170! Thanks guys! Enjoy your magzines!

My friend Amy that I’ve known since 9th grade organized a huge garage sale and is sending us the profits from the event.

So, I am not sure I even know how to thank someone for doing so much for us. We are humbled. We have been encouraged and challenged to give more from our lives as well. We decided a long time ago that no matter how much came in we would always turn around and give some of it back to other people that our adopting. We have given away a few checks and have loved every minute of it. If God has showed us anything through this it is that we want to be a family that gives. We want to bless like we have been blessed.

Some of you have asked us how our money situation is going. We had said we wanted to raise about $5-$6,000 before the end of October. I wanted so badly for that to happen, but in the back of my mind I knew it wouldn’t happen. Well, it has happened. We have had a great number of people help us and we are thankful. Thankful. thankful. thankful. thankful. thankful. thankful. eternally thankful.

Mom vs. Birth mom ….. my journey continues

As some of you know I do volunteer work for an adoption agency here in the Nashville area. We used them for most of our adoption in 2005 and I have been a supporter of them ever since. Each year they have a big dinner and auction to raise money for their office. Last year I was in charge of the auction and it kicked my tail. This year I am in charge of the program and have been so blessed this weekend to get to talk to different people that have been involved in adoption in some way or another.

On Friday I interviewed a couple that is the first couple from the Nashville office to complete an embryo adoption. I loved talking to them and learned so much about the process and their journey. If you or anyone you know is struggling with infertility this could be something you could look into.

The dad said a profound statement that I think I will carry with me for the rest of my life. He stated that he believed that God made him the way he did (with his fertility issues) for one reason. He then pointed to his four month old son that he was holding. He said without his fertility issues he would never have his son. WOW! God has a plan in our lives even when things don’t look “perfect”.

Today I had the great honor to interview a birth mother. I believe that every adoptive couple should have to sit down and talk to someone who has placed their child for adoption. It is always good for us to see things from a different perspective. She changed the way I think of birth parents. I thought I was a good advocate for birth parents. I thought I understood them. I thought I valued our birth mom. She showed me that I could do more. I heard her talk about her son and heard the love that she had for him and it broke me. She said that although he is not her son legally, that he will always be her biological son. She loves him so much and is so happy for him but she said the first month was horrible. She and her mom (who was there for the interview as well) both said that they cried a lot and grieved terribly for the son and grandson that they had given away.

I was moved to tears almost as I listened to them talk about him. She loves this little boy. She adores him. She values his life and she is so happy with her decision. She said it has been the hardest thing she has ever done, but she feels she made the right choice. She has an open adoption and has seen her son twice in the past seven months and is so happy to be able to watch him grown.

As some of you know that read my blog you remember the post I wrote about having a hard time calling my son’s birth mom “mom”. I think I am learning to see the whole picture now. Yes I am his mom, but so is she. She was his mom before I was. She took care of him before I even knew about him. She birthed him. She loved him before I could. I never want to take that from her. I never want to devalue her to him or to anyone else. So, yes she is his birth mom, but she is also the first mom he ever knew. Will I still say “birth mom”? Yes. Will I be offended when someone calls her “mom”? No.

I have never viewed birth parents as scary. But I have also never viewed them as parents. They forever will have a special place in their lives for the children that they placed with other people to raise. I will not rob them of that anymore.

This adoption journey is a fun one. There are many ups and downs along the path. We are being taught so much along this journey.

Haiti timeline

Many people are often asking me what happens next in this process. What is the timeline like? These are questions that I’m myself asking quite often too. I found this today on a blog and thought it might answer some questions.

First things first – gather information for your home study & dossier.
Dossier: This is a packet comprised of all the forms necessary to complete an international adoption. Most dossiers require birth and marriage certificates, background check clearances, fingerprint clearances, approved home study, employee letter, INS Clearance, medical evaluations, and photos. These forms must be translated and legalized. This is the official document that goes to the government of the foreign country.
Home study: (adoption study) An investigative study of the family and home usually completed in 3 visits with a social worker. The homestudy will approve or deny the adoptive family for continued adoptive services, including placement of a child.
Dossier arrives in Haiti at the orphanage.

First Legal: Any document that had to be authenticated by the Haitian Consulate has to be taken to the Minister of Foreign Affairs for further legalization. They legalize the signature of the Haitian Consular Officer that legalized your dossier at the foreign Haitian Embassy in your country.

If the child to be adopted is already identified and/or as soon as the child is identified, the child’s portion of the adoption dossier has to be compiled. This dossier portion includes the social history on the child which is prepared by a Haitian Social Worker, a Psychologist report, a Medical report and a Lab Report is made. Additionally, the child’s birth certificate, parent’s death certificate or relinquishment papers are added to the dossier at that time. Additionally, any birth or death certificates have to have Archive Papers attached to the document. This certifies that the signature on the birth certificate and/or death certificate corresponds with the signature of the official who signed it.

When all the papers are back from Legalization and the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, and the child’s paperwork is finished, the dossier is prepared for the National Office of Social Welfare (IBESR) and sent to the lawyer. The dossier consists of one original document dossier and three copy dossiers.

Dossier is given to IBESR. The dossier has to get approval from three offices within the IBESR office. *About 500+ dossiers from various countries (U.S., Canada, Spain, France, Netherlands, Belgium, etc.) are in IBESR at any one time.

Once the dossier is approved at IBESR, it must be studied and signed at the Parquet Office.

Courts (2nd Legalization): Once the dossier is released from the Parquet, the dossier comes back to the lawyer. The court papers are typed and turned in to the court for the finalization of the adoption process. There are several steps that have to happen: (1) Attestation of the signature on the act of adoption. This is when archives in Haiti says that the signature on the act of adoption corresponds with the signature of the judge who signed it. Just legalizing the signature. (2) Legalization at the Minister of Justice Office. Papers must be legalized here for all countries, saying that the signature is the legal signature of the Judges involved on ALL papers. (3) legalization at the Minister of Foreign Affairs. Legalizing the signature of the Minister of Justice.

Application for the child’s Haitian Passport. The Orphanage representative submits a “mini” dossier that contains all the adopted child’s and adoption documents to the Ministry of Immigration. From there, the dossier is sent to the Ministry of Interior (MOI). Dossier goes to the Minister of Interior for study and approval. This is the portion in the current process that has been very slow. The average wait for the MOI portion is about 4-5 months but hopefully that will change soon. Inside of MOI the Approved Dossier is sent back to Immigration from MOI. The orphanage (creche) submits some additional paperwork so that the the passport can get printed.

Child is taken to have a Visa Medical Examination which is required as part of the visa application. Usually the medical exam has to be done after the passport is issued because the Embassy Doctor has to ensure that he/she is examining the child who is applying for the visa.

At the same time that the passport application is in the works, the U.S. Immigration process must be completed:- Haitian adoption papers are translated into English, so that an I-600 can be filed in the United States or in Haiti if the adoptive parents come to Haiti. As soon as the family receives the I-600 approval in the mail from USCIS, the orphanage needs to get a copy of it so that the U.S. Immigration Office in Haiti can finalize the orphan investigation process, which is necessary for the granting of the child’s visa that allows him to travel as an immigrant to the U.S.

The Orphanage submits the Visa Application with copies of certain documents to the U.S. Consulate. Mr. Jeff Duffy at the U.S. Consulate reviews the completed dossier before approving the visa.

The adoptive parents’ have their appointment in Haiti to receive the visa.

Get on the plane and go HOME with your child!

WOW! Eventually we will get Amos home!

emotional roller coaster

I feel as though my body is reacting to my emotions from the past seven days. I am pooped and my body is screaming and pleading with me to rest. I have had a very sore throat for the past few days and wouldn’t you know it a fever blister plopped its way above my top lip in the wee hours of the night. I need to rest and tonight is my night. NOTHING is on tv, and that is usually what keeps me up when Aaron’s gone, so the kids are in bed (not asleep, but there) and I’m about to get in bed myself!

I had a hard week in parenting this week. Parenting is not easy. It takes lots of work. This week was challenging for me, but I feel as though I’ve grown because of it. It is much easier to NOT discipline your kids then it is to constantly discipline them. I’m learning that this is hard but I am confident that it will pay off in the end.

I have had an emotional week too, because Aaron was home but not really home. He was in the studio and that is my LEAST favorite thing about his job. It is so consuming and so draining on him that I am pretty much without him even though he arrives home late at night to sleep in the same bed with me.

Aaron is on his way home tonight and that makes me smile! We are all looking forward to the next two weeks with lots of family time!!

Last night I was blown away by the video that Lori and Licia made. I loved it and have watched it many times since then. I showed it to the boys first thing this morning and Big Boy kept telling me he wans his hair cut like Amos’ hair! How funny!

We had another emotional day today as Aaron was handed a check by someone that he had never met today for a very generous amount to go towards our adoption. We are humbled beyond comprehension at the support towards Amos in his journey to us. We have had so many people love us through this and encourage us in so many different ways. I can’t wait to tell him the stories of how he came to us. For all of you that have helped I scream with all my raspy, sick, sore throat voice and say THANK YOU!

Tonight these pictures were on Licia’s blog. They once again bring a BIG smile to my face.

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Look at how he is checking us out in our pictures. I love it! I pray that God would mold our images in his head in ways that Amos doesn’t even understand. Allow him to see us in a new light. Allow his heart to see our hearts.  Prepare his heart and mind for when we do meet.  (I’m working on going in Jan or Feb – pray this happens for us!)

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The three buddies! I love these boys! They are hilarious! Licia says that they didn’t like the black jelly beans. I’m still wondering why I sent him jelly beans. If you know me I’m not the biggest fan of just giving my kids candy for no reason. I have seen other pictures of people sending packages to their children in Haiti and Africa and they always include candy, so I did too. I guess they liked them! I don’t even like jelly beans either though …. oh well I’ll send Hot Tamales next time! I bet they won’t eat those Licia! You and Lori tell me what you and your family likes and I’ll send that too!

So there are two pictures to get you through the week! I’m off to bed. I had to eat ice cream for dinner since I have a sore throat!!!

Back to real life tomorrow. Art classes and the Y first thing in the morning.

*Oh yeah if you have been trying to email me today – you’ll need to resend them all – for some reason my email is not working. Sorry, I hope to have it fixed by tomorrow night.

video of our sweet boy

I have just spent the last 30 minutes crying my eyes out and watching a video of my sweet boy Amos that the ladies at the RC made. I was about to go to bed and I checked my bloglines and there was a new blog that Lori had put up. Her blog was nothing out of the ordinary. Impetigo pics, roach in the ear of a girl, skin infections, an HIV patient, lots of rain, and then there it was …. my little boy. Then under the picture of him was a link to click on if you want to see a video of _______(insert son’s name). WHAT? I nearly freaked out right there. I clicked not sure what I would find. It was glorious.

When it started I started bawling and cried through the whole thing. The UGLY cry where you can’t stop and your nose is running and you are close to hyperventilating! I called Aaron and he freaked out because he had no idea why I was hysterical and then I told him and we watched together and I cried and cried and cried.

I will watch this another 30 times tonight before I go to bed and then probably every day until I get part 2 (because the beginning of the video does say part one!!!)

We are so blessed to have the updates that we receive. Lori and Licia are rocking our world. The way they supply us with pictures and information on our boy is unbelievable and now a video. I’m amazed and still crying.

So, enough of my rambling … here is the video!

{had to delete video for privacy reasons}

He is wearing the clothes we sent, looking at our pictures, and playing with the toys we sent too. I have got to get down to see him soon. This video has done my soul well tonight and I’m going to bed praising GOD for technology and for Licia, Lori and everyone else that had a hand in this video.

Amos the piano player.

Today I had the kids at the Discovery Center. They love this place and I often think of Amos now when we are there. What will he think when he walks in? Will he be in sensory overload when he sees all there is to do? Will he be scared of the slide? Will he like the trains like his brothers, or will he be into the treehouse more?

Today the kids were playing the instruments and they had their own two man band going on. Big Boy had a tamborine and Little Boy was playing the drums when Big Boy stopped, looked at me and said “I want Amos to play the piano with us”. I nearly cried and said “I do too baby, and one day he will.”

I know that I think of him all day long, and it makes my heart smile to know that his big brother is too. We are all thinking of him around here all the time