blah.

Ever have one of those weeks where you don’t even feel as though you are yourself. You lay in bed at night and wonder who you are and where did your “normal” self go. You feel as though you are walking in a fog throughout the day and only put on your “happy” face when you go out of your house. You yell at your kids and then wonder who that was that just snapped at them for doing something that is not that bad – I mean they are 3 and 1, so what should I expect.

I have had that week. I lay in bed at night and cry to Aaron, just asking him what is wrong with me. Why can’t I snap out of it. I don’t want to hang out with anyone, I just want to stay home and be sad. But why? I have nothing to be sad about. Nothing bad has happened to me to make me feel this way. Everything is good. No one is sick. Why can’t I get out of this slump.

I have started realizing that my mind is getting the best of me. I am beating myself up. I don’t even know why, but I think it is in my head. Today my bible study was about Satan getting in your head and making you think you are not what you truly are. The truth is that God has designed me and created me to do great things. He has allowed me to bring up two boys to love him (I’m working on this) and to teach them about Christ and what he has done for me in my life. God has changed my life. He has given me a second chance. He has forgiven my sins and believe me there are many.

So, after all that what do I have to make me hang my head down low. Today I decided that I need to combat this in my head. I need to believe that God has big plans for me. I sometimes devalue my role as a mother and wife. I sometimes allow Satan to convince me that I’m not good enough and that my life doesn’t matter. I will not allow this to happen to me. I am desiring more than this right now.

My husband has been a hero to put up with me these past few days. He is comforting, and giving me my space and not pushing me for any answers. He is a jewel. I love him and am so grateful for him.

I made a choice today – I will be happy. I will not allow the evil one to defeat me. I will allow God to lavish me today with his love. I will accept his love. I will be joyful because of what God has done for me.

** It is also my time of the month,so this could play a small part in my problem.

what is going on?

I feel like lots has been going on and I haven’t been good at updating you all with any of this. So, here goes lots of things ….

* I went to the dentist last week for the first time in over 8 years. I was rather cocky when I went in because I have NEVER ever had a cavity in my entire life. So, I was hoping that my dental record would continue to be so awesome! It didn’t go that well for me … I need two fillings and need 2 or 3 gum grafts! What the heck! Gum Grafts! The hygenist told me that usually people older than 50 need these, not someone who is 29 years old. I have been told that I brush too hard. I always thought the harder the better. Gotta get em clean! Now I brush with an extra soft brush and not as hard. I had brushed my gums away. Oh and did I mention that we have no dental insurance! Ha Ha! I’ll be checkign into that soon! I’ll keep you updated on my gum issues.

* Big Boy has been doing swimming lessons for the past week in a half. He likes them and has fun. He has floated on back and front and put head under water and that is about it! Yesterday they did life jacket day and I could hear him scream from the other side of the house and I later found out that they had told him they were going to let go of him and let him float. He hates that! Obviously!

* We took the boys to the zoo last week and had a fabulous time. We even bought a year pass! Yippee!!

* I was finally able to attend church for the first time since June. Yippee!!! It was a fabulous day and I am loving being fed by the word of God by our pastors.

* Once again I have thrown out my back/neck today. UGH – this sucks! I was on the floor playing with Carson (our new dog) and just moved the wrong way and bam I was out for the count. Today I was in pain and finally decided to go to the doctor. I went to a chiropractor and loved it. I am still in pain and not feelign too well, but he did some aligning and I’m going back on Monday. I also visited a lady that does all kinds of tests on you to see what you are missing in your body with vitamins and minerals and she got me set up with some vitamins and I’ll go back in about a month to see how I’m doing.

* Tonight Big Boy told us that he wants a baby in his belly. We talked to Aunt Kristen on the computer last night and saw how big her belly has gotten lately since baby Porter is due in November. We told him that unfortunately he will never have a baby in his belly. What a sad reality of his to find out that he’ll never have a baby.

I must give an award to my hubby for being husband of the year today. He has done EVERYTHING around here. He has not once complained about me laying on the couch all day as he deals with the kids, does dishes, takes the kids on a walk, changes diapers, does baths, mops the floor, cleans up Carson’s poop on the floor, and anything else that needs to happen around here. He has told me more than once to sit down and take it easy around here. It is hard when you know you need to do so much but your body hurts. He is amazingly wonderful and I am truly blessed to have him in my life. He has been very unselfish today and i love him so much for this.

Carson the new family member

We have added a member to our family today. His name is Carson and he is a Westie/Yorkie mix. He is adorable and everyone in our family loves him except Little Boy who still cries if he even looks at him! Carson is 8 weeks old and we’re guessing weighs about 5 lbs. We’ll be getting to the vet sometime this week hopefully so we’ll have all the stats on him to report to you soon.

We are now potty training him and having so much fun with him in the 3 hours that we’ve known him! Big Boy cried and cried at nap time because he wanted Carson to sleep with him. He doesn’t understand the magnitude of a puppy sleeping with you!

It was funny as we were taking Carson out to potty (which by the way he hasn’t yet since we’ve had him for 3 hours!) Aaron mentioned how it was funny because we are training 3 things – 2 kids and 1 dog! Ha Ha!

Of course my camera is still broken so I have no pictures to show you. Tamara got some this morning and will email them to me and then I’ll be sure and share with you all!

new family pictures

Here are our first family pictures with Carson. Good news is that Little Boy is not as scared anymore. Notice I said “as scared” anymore. He is still timid and likes to keep his distance from the new furry friend, but he did “hold” him twice after his nap. Baby steps. We’re taking baby steps!

Notice Little Boy’s always got one eye on the dog at all times!  Big Boy could not be happier about our new family member.  In fact we let him skip swimming lessons today just because he couldn’t bear the thought of leaving his new best friend behind while he went to lessons.  We did inform him though that tomorrow life is back to normal and we will not be skipping the lessons that we paid good money for him to learn how to put his head under water!

Tonight Aaron and I are headed out on the town for a much needed date and Bush and Maris get the joy of watching all THREE of our children.  They didn’t know when they said yes that we would have a dog too!  Oh well, they will get their dog fix and go home to their nice well behaved cat.

I’m off to the gym to run while my three boys have boy time with their new best friend!  I am so glad that we got this dog while Aaron is home for 2 more weeks!  He is researching how to potty train  a dog and he is on it.  I love how he was not too happy about this new pet last night and this morning and every since he saw him he has LOVED him.  He loves this dog!  Yeah!

this is hard work.

As most of you know, I ran a half marathon this past April. Well, now I’m training for another one and this time it is hard. I would not consider myself a runner. I would love to get there, but I am not there yet.

This time around the training is killing me and my dedication is running thin. When Aaron is home I don’t want to go out and run, I just want to sit on the couch with him and watch tv, or play with the kids in the backyard. He is home for 3 weeks so when I am out running all I want to do is run home and hang with my hubby.

Sometimes I wonder why I run. Right now, I feel like I’m running just to do the race. Just to say I did it. Just to complete a task. Just to finish the race, to accomplish a goal, and because I’ve already paid the $50 for the race. I have to run it now or I’ve just thrown out $50!

I do enjoy running, but for some reason this last week has been so hard for me. Lots of calf cramps, back pains, and it is just plain HOT here lately. I haven’t enjoyed it once.

So, just like every other thing in life this season will too pass. I will enjoy running again. I will get back into the swing of training. I will feel better about this, and I will finish the race.

Life is like this in lots of ways too. Things can seem to be going great when all of a sudden something happens to cramp your life. You wonder how it can be so hard when before things were so good. But you and I both have to remember that this too will past. Hard times will come and go, and good times will as well. What we both have to remember is that life is a long race, there will be valleys and hills, mountains and oceans, but in the end life will be good. We will have accomplished our life and hopefully we can look back and see a life full of trials and accomplishments.

As I press on in my training, I pray that you too can press on in whatever challenges you have in your life right now.

wedding pictures

Jimmie and Laura were married this weekend and it was fabulous. She looked absolutely beautiful and he was a proud, proud man.

Here are some pictures from the day. Enjoy!

my lover.

Here is a picture of my sweet love and me from a camp earlier this summer. I am so in love with this man.

jimmie & laura

the last spur guy was married this weekend and it was so much fun. jimmie & laura looked wonderful and so happy and in love. the ceremony was perfect and my family had a blast at the reception.

big boy danced the night away with a friend of his and it brought tears to my eyes many times. it was almost as though i could see him in 15 years going to his senior prom. too much for a mommy to think about right now!

of course my camera is broken right now so i’m relying on others pictures to show you the big day. uncle tim was in town and got some great pics so when we get some of those we’ll show you, but for now here are two from tracy’s camera.

time to brag

I must take just a second of your time to brag on my most incredible husband. He truly is an amazing man to me. He loves me dearly and is always finding ways to take care of me and shower me with his love.

This past weekend when he was home he spent 3 hours one day cooking two amazing meals from scratch for our family. He made a Shepherds’ Pie that would put anyone in Ireland to shame! Everything from scratch and most of the veggies from our local Farmer’s Market. That same day he roasted some tomatos in the oven for hours and then made some amazing homemade tomato soup that I have enjoyed again twice this week since he has been gone.

Aaron loves to cook. I hate to cook. We make a great team!

Birthday party fun

Yesterday we went to our friend Jada’s birthday party. The boys had a blast playing with their friends at the park and riding bikes all around the place.